My plans are set in Jello.
This is my motto.
And this is no different.

For the last year I have been planning to move home.
To Iowa.
The Hawkeye state.
The place I have called home for 21 years.
But I fear that God has a different plan.

As I have job hunted for jobs there
I have come up completely empty.
A friend today asked me this question:
Are you sure you should be moving back home?
My response:
I have no idea anymore.

It all made sense.
It seemed right.
But I have learned the hard way that this is not conclusive.

So now I am broadening my search.
I am planning to come back to the Midwest.
Maybe just not Iowa.
I have applied at one place.
And in the coming days will do more.

If my plans are really set in Jello
Then this is no big deal.
God's got it.
I just wish He'd clue me in.

I hope I can still get a dog.

Recently, someone took notice of how awed I am by the simple things in the days. I was talking about this with a friend of mine the other day and we sort of agreed that life is too hard not to allow ourselves to be amazed by the simple things in life.

The other day I heard a thunderstorm approaching, so I went and sat on our front steps to watch it roll in. And you know what? I was amazed! :) It was beautiful and it rained so hard as you can see.

Then I was reminded of a quote by Brennan Manning which I have quoted before, but it remains one of my favorites:

"By and large, our world has lost its sense of wonder. We have grown up. We no longer catch our breath at the sight of a rainbow or the scent of a rose, as we once did. We have grown bigger and everything else smaller, less impressive. We get blase and worldly wise and sophisticated. We no longer run our fingers through water, no longer shout at the stars or make faces at the moon. Water is H2O, the stars have been classified, and the moon is not made of green cheese. Thanks to satellite TV and jet planes, we can visit places available in the past only to a Columbus, a Balboa, and other daring explorers...We get so preoccupied with ourselves, the words we speak, the plans and projects we conceive that we become immune to the glory of creation. We barely notice the cloud passing over the moon or the dewdrops clinging to the rose leaves. The ice on the pond comes and goes...God intended for us to discover His loving presence in the world around us."
-Ragamuffin Gospel

May I never lose my sense of wonder.

Today, Mon Amie, Karin, and I got together for a "last lunch" before Karin heads off into the sunset for a year and then I go my separate way as well. Fun times...we went to an amazing pizza place in downtown Cola.

I have to say I'm glad I just found out about this place. It is delicious!!

Bob Dylan in the bathroom. It was a little freaky.

6:34am. Not bad for waking up at 5:56am. Unfortunately, we didn't actually get out of Cola until a little later....

It was a wee bit foggy, so we'll say that this is the reason we made a loop around Cola before we left. :)

And we FINALLY got out of Cola at 7:21!

Karin and I in Florida...the land of palm trees...even baby ones. :)

Edgar and Lola, our new little friends joined us on the roadtrip.

At last, we made it to New Smyrna Beach!!

Grace went for a cruise on the beach. She really wanted to, so we let her. :)

Cruising on the beach.

The day trip to Merritt Island to see the alligators. A childhood memory for me...but slightly disappointing...we didn't see a single alligator.

I'm sure there is an alligator out there SOMEWHERE.

This was about all the life we saw on the swamp.

I think she wants to take it home.

Flops.

After we went to Merritt Island, we headed on down to Cocoa Beach for some seafood (well, for Bekah at least) and to check out Ron Jon's Surf Shop.
Karin and Sara

Bekah and Sara

Karin and Bekah

And this is where Karin spent her week.

Sunshine days.

This pretty much sums up our whole week.

The beach. Oh how I love thee.

Karin got a boyfriend while we were at the beach.

His name is Max

Growing...

Growing more....

Full grown and taking a ride with Lola.

Seashells, seashells by the seashore...

Beautiful beach.

If I were a bird, I would want to have yellow feet like this one.

Fun on the beach.

Checking out the rainbow in the distance.

Friends.

Saying goodbye to our Florida vacation.

Grace is all packed up and ready to go.

This afternoon on the beach was a clarifying one for me. First, I decided that since I have nearly graduated with my MA, I need some new goals. So I made some:

1) Learn to surf (yes, I'm dead serious)
2) Take some classes on writing and write

Ok, so that's really all the further I got before my friend Karin and I decided on a very colorful future for me. Want to hear it? Here:

During the winter time, I will be a lifeguard on the beach...not necessarily stateside, but somewhere pretty (hopefully NOT Florida!) and be a writer. Obviously, the writing is where I would make the money. Then during the summer, I will be a forest ranger-type person in the mountains...and also a writer. Again, the writing is where the money will be. And through all of this will be my dog who will consequently be the happiest dog in the world because he and I will get to experience the best of both worlds all year long.

Sound good? Yeah, I think so. So in all reality, I will probably be in a village in Africa, but hey, that will be fun, too! Especially if I have a dog.

I devoured a book over the last couple days. It is yet another in the several I have read by Sheila Walsh. The woman seems to just know me and speaks into my life through her writing. And her books seem to get into my hands at just the right time.

This one is no exception.
And since I can't post pics of our trip, I'm going to share some thoughts.

"God has a Dream for your Life" is the title of this latest treat. It talks about dreams that have been lost and how to keep on dreaming. And through it I have discovered that "dreams" are a tricky concept. I have dreams for my life.

Some of which have been abandoned.
Like wanting to be a butterfly when I grow up.
Some of which have yet to be.
Like wanting to speak fluent Swahili, French, and Arabic.
And some of which I am uncertain of what to do with.
Like wanting to be a wife and mom.

But then there are God's dreams for my life. This is where is gets a little hairy. God places in me dreams and desires. And I believe that He does work through those. But they are not promises. And that's where it gets hazy. But then there are dreams that are promises.

Such as growing to be more like Him.
Such as having a deeper relationship with Him.
Such as one day being with Him.

But what about these dreams that I have which aren't promised. Do you continue to hold out hope? Do you abandon them, which in turn avoids disappointment and allows for the element of surprise? I'm still not too sure on that one. I guess God speaks to individual hearts and into specific situations.

But here are a few nuggets from Sheila that I have really been chewing on:

"When a dream dies, we can fix our gaze solely on what lies behind in the dust or, with God's help, we can turn around and dream a new dream."

"What takes us by surprise is when we believe something will really work this time. We invest ourselves body and soul. When the rug is all of a sudden pulled out from underneath us like a tablecloth trick, it's very difficult to recover. Part of our upset is that it didn't work, and part of it is anger at ourselves for being foolish enough to believe it would."

"The temptation has no power in itself. Satan looks at us and he knows who we are. He can't make us do anything, but he banks on the fact that we might not know that. Or at least, perhaps we've forgotten."

"When all your dreams have been crushed and your heart is broken, you stand in the perfect place for resurrection."

"[Jesus] prayed that we would carry His dream. And what was that dream? That we would love one another and that through our love other people would know that God is alive and well. Then people would believe that Jesus had been sent from God to save the world."

For some reason I am unable to post pics, so those will apparently have to wait until I get a real internet connection...so for now...some highlights of our trip:

• Driving Grace (Karin's car) on the beach
• Growing Karin's "boyfriend" (you'll see the pics later)
• Eating Mexican
• Jumping waves in the ocean
• Tossing the disc
• Lathering up for the sun (or as Karin says "shellacking ourselves")
• Waking up early for walks on the beach (ok, not me, but Karin and Bekah have enjoyed that!)
• Playing Phase 10 (though it was NOT a highlight for me...I didn't do very well)
• Reading on the beach - books that I enjoy!
• Karin's new chair on the beach - she can sit in the water and read at the same time!
• Setting up a blog for Karin (www.karinfowler.blogspot.com)
• Eating ice cream every night (fat free, of course)
• Buying sunglasses
  
• Shopping at "BeAlls" (which consequently is the same way South Carolinians say "Bill")
• Puzzling
  
• Getting very sun-kissed (ok, so not really a highlight)
  
• Cooking together
  
• RELAXING!!!
  

I'll update with pics later. But I stumbled across a wireless connection when I was sitting on our porch listening to the ocean roar...so I thought I'd let y'all know we made it here.

We spent the day on the beach.
It was lovely.
I love the beach.
But Florida is still tough.
Today we tossed the disc on the beach.
And we read on the beach.
And we played in the ocean.
And the best part...I didn't get stung by any jellyfish!
I didn't even see any.

Tomorrow looks much the same.
But maybe a walk down to the touristy part of town.
This is a good end to two years of hard work.

I cannot begin to tell you how thankful for this I am.
We all are. :)

...AT 6AM!!!!

Yep, you read it...6am and we are leaving for Florida for a week. The only way my two friends got me to agree to leaving at the crack of dawn was by telling me that I could sleep on the beach when we got there. :)

There are few things worth getting up that early for...but THAT is one of them.

So, as I have internet, I will update with pics and stories of our week long adventure at the beach. Until then, my friends, enjoy!! :)

My friend Noel left yesterday to continue her traveling around the States before heading back to Senegal. We had a lot of fun together...I'm sad she's gone...and jealous she gets to go back to Dakar! Here we are. Saying goodbye...again.

So a couple days ago I mentioned that this town is making me crazy. In three days, on Saturday that is, I am getting the heck out of dodge and heading to the beach for a whole week! Two friends and I are getting up early (really the only good reason I can think of to get up early!) and driving to Florida for some serious beach time...and to get away from this town!

So in honour of this great event...another list...of things I'm looking forward to:

• Silky sand between my toes
• Hearing the waves crash in all day long
• The scent of salt in the air
• The roadtrip down which will undoubtedly be an adventure
• Tossing the disc
  
• Reading books for fun...a foreign concept to me!
• Playing some Dutch Blitz
• Hanging out with my friends Karin and Bekah for a whole week
• Vegging with no responsibilities
• Soaking in the sun
• Walking on the beach...any time I want to
• Laughing a ton
• Late night chats
• Being away from Cola!!!

And the one thing I am NOT looking forward to...yep, you guessed it...Jellyfish :)

This afternoon finds me in the computer lab at school. The wireless is still not working. But I am. Working on finding a job for next year. Working on getting things in order for the rest of my time here. Working on packing to move home in July (yes, packing already!). Working on not getting discouraged with the lack of work and therefore the lack of income I have had for the last 3.5 weeks.

But today I have realized that there are so many choices in the world. I have a job opp in my lap right now that really appeals to me as it means working with students from other countries. Some of those are cousin countries. However, this is not a full-time gig, but will take up a good amount of time. It won't pay the bills, but it may make my heart content. So is it worth it? That's where I find myself right now. I don't have anything else lined up that will pay the bills and my loans...and I suppose it is somewhat dependent on that as to if I can do this job.

Ah, so many choices in this life. I just want to honor Him with whatever I choose. If you think on it, pray for wisdom for me and also for provision. :) Thanks!

My friend, Noel, who has spent the last year teaching at Dakar Academy is staying with me this week. She got in the other day and I went and picked her up, took her to Wendy's, and then we ran to the store to get some toothpaste. We have hung out a lot, and it is pretty sweet, I must confess.

Before she left, I tried to tell her about some of the people and things in Dakar, but now she has been there. Now she understands. I love it.

So there have been so many walks down memory lane this week. And in our lunacy, there have been some four mile walks in the heat of the midday SC sun. Not the smartest thing to do, but fun nonetheless. She got to meet my "extended" family, my friends from DA who are living just down the road from me...so we talked Dakar for about an hour the other night.

I love it.

She brought up a good question last night. We couldn't find an answer...so I'm going to pass it on to you...if you know the answer, will you let me know?

Where does the moisture come from in Senegal (West Africa) for rainy season? I mean, storms generally move from east to west there...which means they have to cross the Sahara before getting to us...any ideas??

The internet at school has chosen to be difficult for the last couple days, so this afternoon finds me at Panera. I decided to get a bagel...a Passion Fruit bagel. I figure since I like passion fruit juice, I might like the bagel. I like the juice better, though the bagel is pretty tasty.

As any of you who have been following this blog know, I keep saying that the driving down here in Cola is among the worst in the country...and now I have proof: "Columbia has the Worst Drivers" (Also note the last line that shows some of the best drivers!) I won't bore you with the details of how annoyed I am (not to mention terrified) on a daily basis on the road. I'd take deer over these drivers any day of the week!

So, in effort to remain positive, I will make a list. A list of things I am thankful for:

1. The hot weather.
2. My ceiling fan.
3. Internet at Panera.
4. Sitting on a porch with friends just hanging out.
5. A beautiful place to walk out away from the city.
6. My panyas from Senegal that beat jeans or shorts any day!
7. Friends I don't hear from often enough that leave comments which consequently leave me with smiles. :)
8. People who love me even with all my quirks.
9. Jack, my car, who loves to drive as much as I do (though not in Cola!)
10. That I haven't killed our new plant, "Green", yet. (He even looks healthy!)

I am sitting here in the student center.
Alone.
Listening to a video I took.
At the beach in Dakar.
The sound of the waves.
The voices of my friends.
All of whom are now far away.

My mind is scattered with thoughts.
Pulling me many different ways.

Leaving.
Those I have left.
Hopes.
Places I love.
Future plans.
Friends.
The beach.
My hopeful future dog.
Frustrations.
Life here in Cola.

Life is funny.
This town is making me crazy.

On Saturday evening, I finally made it to one of the monthly dinners with friends RJ, Tom and Amy, Karen, and Canas. It was a pretty fun time...and as is the tradition we answered some "RJ Questions" from the coffee can. These are always a challenge...but give some good insights to our friends. :) Karin and I also had some fun with playdough that I found just sitting around...we got creative and decided to model Jack Sparrow. :)

I woke up late this morning. So late in fact, that I almost decided to skip church because I knew there was no way I would make it on time...or really even close to on time. Thankfully, the cops were not out this morning and I made it only 20 minutes after the official start time. Just in time for the sermon, really.

I was surprised to see one of the CIU profs speaking this morning as I guess our pastor is on vacation this week. But when I looked at the bulletin, I knew it was going to be good. He was talking on missions, my passion. I thought smugly to myself, "Ah yes, this will be great for the people in this church to hear..." Wow, I got humbled real quick as God landed on me with full force through this presentation of a lot of facts and graphs...and challenged me with several items in my own life that I have been wrestling with.

Item number one for me...I need to live a life of sacrifice if there is ever going to be change in this world. I was deeply saddened to find that it takes about 2500 people for one missionary in the US to be sent out. Also, only 1 out of every 100 Christians in America is involved in missions...not just in the going, but the giving and praying as well. Just yesterday I was complaining to my mom that I want to have my space in my new place in Iowa, so I am looking for a duplex or even a house...I said, "no more apartments". This morning when I left church, I realized that it would be more efficient for me to get a cheaper place (such as an apartment)...it is a small sacrifice to make in light of millions of people dying without the eternal life that can only be found through Jesus Christ.

If I may, a little vulnerability...since being back in America, I have found myself slipping more and more into a comfortable lifestyle. I'm not a real materialistic person, but there are small things that I like to have and things that I like to go do...and God challenged me this morning that I need to make sacrifices more so than I do now. Hear what I am not saying: I am not saying that it is bad to enjoy or even necessarily have "things"...God gives us good gifts...but it is how we view and hold onto those gifts that is vital. Am I willing to give up these things and live a life of simplicity so that others can have a chance to hear about Jesus? Because in the end, that's all that is going to matter. And that is how we, as followers of Christ, are called to see things; in light of the end - in light of eternity.

Item number two for me... As any of you who know me know, I struggle a lot with being single. All my life I have wanted to be a wife and a mom...and though I came close to being a wife, God has not allowed that to be in my life. This morning, it was shared that within unreached people groups are three unreached people groups: children (particularly 4-14 years old), women, and refugees. The speaker said that if he had it to do over again, he would go back, get trained to do children's ministry and then go out and use that. And I sat there thinking to myself, "I have been trained to do this very thing...I have been trained in reaching children, I have had experience in discipling women, and I have a soft spot in my heart for refugees/poor people." And then it hit me...maybe I am single for a reason. Maybe I am single so that I can go to a place like the Sudan and do ministry among the women and children refugees who have been through so much...because as he pointed out this morning, when you have been uprooted in this way, you tend to be more receiving of Jesus and His grace. I don't know God's plan for my life and I would never claim such a thing...but it just hit me that this could very well be the method behind His seeming madness. If I had a family, I wouldn't be so willing to go to such a place and possibly give my life. As a single, I have no ties and little hesitation in doing such a thing. And granted, things can change, maybe I'll find that special guy and get married...but even then, God has a plan. I just learned that even this plan would be a good one...God would use it and my passions. So it put me at ease...it's fine either way.

Item number three for me... What I pray for will change the shape of my heart. When I pray for just for those in my small world, then my heart also stays small. But when I ask God for the nations as well, not only will my heart change, but it will also beat with His because as you read the Bible, from cover to cover, you will find that God's heart is for the nations; for every people group in the world. Not only my prayers, but also my money...if I put my money toward something, chances are, I'm going to pray for that thing. Everything I have is God's anyway...why not invest it as God would and trust that He'll take care of me?

So there you go...those were my challenges this morning. Now, if you are still reading...I am giving you permission that if you ever see me living off track from what I have written here to call me on it. If you see me getting comfortable and living with no vision, tell me. I know my humanity and I know how easy it is for me to get distracted...so I need people to help me along. Thanks.

I've found this morning that it is very difficult to look for a place to live when you are 1,000 miles away from where you are going. If I hadn't been so spoiled in the last two years by living in houses, then it might be easier...but I have strictly ruled out apartments or anything apartment-like from my search.

Then there is the whole issue of not having a job lined up. So we have to try to keep the rent low.

Then there is the dream of maybe getting a dog. And, well, its next to impossible to find any place that will allow pets. And Mom has already declared, "It's not coming here if you get one!" But I think she would warm up to my dog if I got one, I think she's just afraid she might get attached. ;)

Then there is the dilemma of wanting at least two bedrooms because I like my space and I have high hopes of friends coming to visit.

Hm. Maybe I do need to go home for a weekend before I move back in August. Mom found my dream house the other day...it is near/overlooks Lake MacBride and is a 3 bedroom...problem is: $1200/month in rent. Granted, I will have a MA by then, but even so, I don't think I will get that well paying of a job...and be able to pay off my loans which is the goal.

Have to keep my eye on the goal and hope for the best. :) Would appreciate your prayers in this process!

Update: Job hunting is no treat either!!

I'm not sure which scenario is more pathetic:

Sitting at school on a Friday night with no one else around surfing the web and having IM conversations

OR

Sitting at home on a Friday night with no one else around but the cockroaches in my house doing nothing but surfing channels

Either way, Friday nights just aren't what they used to be! :) Guess that is part of getting older, eh? I need to get a life! ;)