Happy Birthday to my dear friend Susie (in the middle). She is getting VERY old...29 today! :) Hehe. Perhaps not the best pic on the face of the earth...since this was taken at an airport at some ungodly hour in the morning after a few days of her waddling around (baby in belly) and me hobbling around (messed up foot) for her baby shower (as opposed to a wedding shower as I announced it). But representative of something wonderful...friendship. Thanks, Sus, for everything. :) Happy Birthday...I hope Jim and Allie spoil you like crazy!

The other night I was driving home from school, listening to Bebo Norman...as I have done hundrends of times before. A song came on that I have listened to countless times, "Walk Down this Mountain", and for some reason, I actually listened to the lyrics and they really struck me.

So walk down this mountain
And what is at the bottom of many mountains? Valleys.

With your heart held high
If you want to protect your heart, don't hold it high...its vulnerable up high.

Follow in the footsteps of your maker
Just consider the footsteps of Christ...He was utterly vulnerable and walked His path boldly.

With this love that's gone before you
He is love...and because He has gone before us...He knows what we face and can comfort us.

And these people at your side
We are blessed to have friends around us who hold us up in times of trial.

If you offer up your broken cup
Isn't that all most of us have anyway? A broken cup?

You will taste the meaning of this life
What is the meaning of life? A life vibrantly lived in the grace of Christ...the only place true Life is found.

So today I thought I needed some advice...where better to turn than to the Peanuts Gang? Here is some of what I found...it made sense to me. Or quite possibly, it just made me laugh really hard (also needed) and I wanted to share. :)

"This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this."

"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back."

"Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.""


"To live is to dance, to dance is to live."

"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves and then we have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos."

"Dear IRS, please remove me from your mailing list."

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?"

This phrase comes back to me at the most random times. Today is one of those times...but its not so random. For those of you who are like me, and don't know French, this means, "What am I doing?" My roomie, Ade, from my first year in Senegal used to say this all the time, though it usually came out when she was cooking. It's one of the few I remember simply because I heard it so much. (And yes, I looked it up because Lord knows I cannot spell in French!)

Today I have done a few things that have me wondering about my mental health...have I finally gone over the edge? Quite possibly. Here are some of the things I have done in the past couple of days...

• Added a class to my already tough schedule
• Spent way more money than I have to buy the books for the class I added
  
• Submitted a query
• Ate a bowl of cereal this morning thinking that would get me through until dinner
• After waking up from 3-5am, not resetting my alarm, thinking I could still pull off 8am
• Hung out my laundry on a day when it didn't get above 40 and the sun was hardly shining
• Bought a Ted Dekker novel (classes start in one week)
• Started making plans for 2.5 weeks in advance (unheard of in my world)

Maybe that doesn't seem too bad to y'all...but things are just not in rhythm in my world...ah well, the music is still playing, just gotta get back on the beat.

PS...if you think on it, please pray that I will find a job...applied several places, haven't heard anything and the funds are getting low. Thanks. :)

Commercials are made for people like my dear roomie in mind. :) The other day, we were watching something on TV when this commercial for the Colgate 360 came on...now, for those of you who aren't aware, the Colgate 360 is a new toothbrush with a tongue/cheek cleaner on the back of where the bristles are. So my dear roomie decides that this is the best thing under the sun and that we need to get them.

Yesterday, while we were out job hunting and she was in an interview, I went over to the CVS across the street and picked out two Colgate 360 toothbrushes. A green one for her and a pink one for me. After using it, I must confess, I don't think the Colgate 360 is all its cut out to be...but hey, now we know. :)

The sun is shining outside.
It is warmer than it has been.
My rollerblades and frisbee are calling my name.
I've been sitting in this chair for a week.
This paper is not due for 2 weeks.
The library is cold.

I have no focus today.

Today I sat in class for 9 hours, thankfully we have breaks. Its an amazing class about Church Planting Movements and everything I had ever thought about the way missionaries plant churches and the way God works is pretty much being blown out of the water...its great. After class, I put on my fleece winter hat and my new gloves because it dropped into the 30's today and I walked outside and just smiled. I love this. I love learning and being with people who are of like-mind and heart in reaching the world with the love of God. But I fear that my heart lies somewhere across the vast ocean on the dark continent that is crying out for the light of Jesus. And as I look into new possibilities and pray about where God wants me, I find that I am utterly content...it's never this way for long...but I'm just thankful that there are moments such as this.

You know you have watched too much "24" when you refer to your school, CIU, as CTU.

I'm immersed to my ears in research of the Riffi Berbers of Morocco...so many options in an unreached world. :) Taking a class this week with a guy from the IMB...trying not to hold that against him...what an amazing class...learning lots...back to studying North Africa for now...I truly love being a student (only) again. :)

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..."

When 3:30 in the morning comes along and one is sitting in her bed eyes wide open with voices from the past having a deafening conversation in her mind it's hard to avoid discouragement...and if it were only one night, she thinks, she could handle it...but when its one after another of restless sleep and a smile seems hard to come by the next day due to the pain inflicted, she starts to wonder if it will ever end. Certainly there is a time for everything, and surely God is there in the darkness with her...but there comes a difference between the knowledge of truth and the trusting in it through the black swirling clouds that encompass her. Thankfully her God has placed in her a stubborn streak that refuses to let go of the Hope offered her, but at times, she holds on only by her rapidly breaking fingernails...yet, even so, there is a time for everything...even for this struggle that seems to press on in her soul...with the hope remaining that one day she will overcome those voices and proceed with a life of joy that seems long since forgotten.

Lately you’ve been all blue sky
And I’ve been rain
I don’t mean to bust up your party
With all of my pain

But sometimes my shadows surround me
And you take me in your arms and say

It’s the way we mend
We tear it all down and we’ll start it again
And I don’t know how but you find me where we begin
And that’s just the way, the way that we mend

It’s just that some voices remind me
I’m not strong enough
To put all my demons behind me
And carry this love

But just like an angel of mercy
You take me by my hand and say

They’re pouring out
From my mouth
So many words all spoken wrong
But you come alive
And somehow I find my way

"It's the Way We Mend" By Bebo Norman

The first time, I maintained my focus and just kept working...trying not to laugh too hard at the insanity of the situation...but the second time it happened, I just let my mind fall back into the memories. Here I am, sitting innocently in the library working on far too many things all at once, when the electricity randomly goes off...the lights flicker as though they are fighting for their very life...and then finally, it all just comes to a halt and there is silence. Some people looking around in a dumbfounded manner...others pretending that nothing really happened. After a minute or two, all resumed and was well again in our comfy little library. However, then it happened again...the fight, the cessation of life, and the resurrection...and I couldn't help but remember all those times in Dakar when the same thing would occur...how many candle lit evenings did Cori and I have...or Ade and I for that matter...and a warm rush of feelings came over me...those were some of my favorite times...no distractions, just time to enjoy those around me and laugh at the situation.

Some days it seems as though a whole new world is just at my fingertips...a world of opportunities, excitement, and beauty...however, today, as I was going about my continued job hunt and considering reading my books for class and looking over an application for an internship I have eagerly awaited...a quote from a movie came to mind:

Birdie Conrad: "You are daring to march into the unknown armed with...nothing."

Yes, as you figured, this is from the movie "You've Got Mail" and its when Kathleen Kelly closes her store and considers what else she may do, since that store is really all she has ever known. Sometimes I feel much the same way, I guess. Ever since I can remember, I've been put in charge of kids and teaching them...Sunday School, VBS, camps, missions, and finally as a certified teacher. However, in the past month, I followed through on my decision to walk away from that and imagine that there is something else out there that better fits with me. And many days as I look at the vast arena of options, I feel much like this quote...I'm not qualified to do anything else...unless passions count as a qualification. :) But hopefully some new doors are going to open up and God is going to usher me through them in His own way...to something unknown and a little scary to me now...but I'm sure will become "just right" eventually.

So my new blender, Hamilton, and I have become very good friends in the last few days since his arrival at my house. We have experimented with bananas, peaches, strawberries, yogurt (strawberry and vanilla), and orange juice. It has been a lovely time.

Ok, and as a side note...yes, I tend to name inanimate objects...and the older I get (and more I am alone), the worse it becomes. It all started with Jack, my car. However, the thing I find humorous about this naming of objects is that other people fall into it...most often rather innocently. For instance, when I talk about Jack, my close friends know exactly what I am referring to...and quite regularly, I will hear them say "So, do you want to drive Jack, or do you want me to drive?" Sometimes I do things just to see reactions...and I have to confess that although this didn't start out as such a thing (it rather was born out of a VERY long and lonely drive half way across North America)...its been fun to see the reactions of various people.

So I have to confess that it has been a very uneventful time here in Cola-town. And it has been simply delightful! No place I have to be, no structure to my days, and all the time I could want. Now, I confess that it will most likely get old in a few more days...but I have simply enjoyed just being. I woke up this morning to a bright blue sky and gentle breeze...and its just as lovely when you actually walk out the door...a perfect day to read a very wordy book outside. Enjoy your day!

Sometimes I just sit here and stare at this screen like it is a blank canvas and I'm just a little uncertain how things are going to come out. Do I tell you about the uneventful flight home? Do I tell you about my new blender? Do I tell you about the conversation I had with a friend I haven't seen in over 4 years? Or do I tell you about my friend and his wife who just left today to the other side of the world? There are so many small events that make up my days...and whereas the big things are the ones that seemingly stand out...its the small ones that make it sweet. Like watching the insanely loud neighbor kids playing outside...or the nice man at Walmart who let me take the cart that he was clearly going for...or the 70 degree weather with perfect sunshine that seems simply a gift on such a day as this. I've been watching Gilmore Girls lately because a friend of mine bought me the first season...and you know, I realized today that I think this series has figured it out...I mean, you have 24 and Alias and other such shows where there is always some crisis...but Gimore Girls is about the small things in life. The hilarious things that we take for granted. So that's all I have to say on this blank canvas this evening. I'm going to go for a walk and take in the southern air once again...and simply enjoy being.

Treasure the little things...they are the ones that make life so worthwhile. :)

Happy 2007! Below are some pics from the little gathering that I attended across the big river. Fun times full of memorable quotes such as, "Hm, horses are big, but I think Mexico is bigger..." or "Have you ever been hit in the head by the moon?" or discussions about which is gentler...mashed potatoes or starfish...all this thanks to the junior version of "Apples to Apples" at a time well past our bedtime! It was also filled with some rather hilarious gifts...such as the unique kleenex dispenser...and the knife that was given to Don due to the fact that he had lost his (as you can see, it was found before this gift was given!)...and my dad received some "loch de icer" for those "midnight" runs to the mailbox when its "30 below and the box is frozen shut" to save him from the humiliation of "lighting a match to thaw it" due to brilliant ideas suggested by my mom.

Also below are two of the highlights of the trip...Avanti's and Monicals Pizza...if you have never experienced these...well, simply put, you are missing out! I have grown up on these two restaurants and they are a perfectly good reason in and of themselves to drive the 3 hours to Peoria...but the good company we go to see is the icing on the cake. :) And seeing the recent addition to the "family" is always a sweet bonus. She's a charmer.

And one more thing...I am absolutely fascinated at how my bags are always heavier when I return to SC after being home. I scarcely have enough room to get them back. Not sure how that always happens. Ha, moving back here is going to be a trick though!