Tonight I was sitting down to write my final research paper for this degree I have been working on for the past two years. I'm still not entirely sure what my topic is which easily leads to distractions.

I have had a lot on my mind lately. Moving. Finding a job. Starting a temp job. Finishing homework. Connecting with friends. All of it has led to a struggle inside me. Is God really as good as I know in my head He is? I know the Jesus answer as well as any other person. But quite frankly, in the sweat, blood, and tears of this life, the "Jesus answer" doesn't always cut it. I don't do well with "trite" answers. Jesus is far more than the "trite" answers we hand out to everyone. That is the Jesus I am after. The One who can put up with my stubbornness, my questions, my insecurities, my tears, and my doubts.

Sometimes answers don't come. Or sometimes they are delayed...indefinitely. Sometimes, He pulls back and watches with the intensity of a Father whose child is learning to walk. Sometimes we fall and He won't come to the rescue, but rather will see if we will keep going simply because we love Him that much and want to reach Him.

"There are times in life when all you can do is gather up everything you know to be true and simply get back up and keep running. Often we are gifted with moments of grace, when Christ's presence seems very near, and at other moments we just keep running because God is worth it.

"That reality is part of our lives here on this planet. Falling is part of the race. There will be moments when our love for God will be tested in a furnace. Will we still love Him even when He doesn't do what we ask Him to do?"
- Sheila Walsh, "All that Really Matters"

Back to my paper...