So I came home from the library this afternoon...and was greeted by a warning from my housemate, Steph, about the cockroach on the ceiling. After realizing the seriousness of the situation (I could not bring myself to walk down the hall), Steph assured me she would "take care of it." So I went outside and waited patiently. After a few minutes, I realized that she may have been attacked and called out to her..only to find that the creature had moved quickly into our other housemate's room. Steph came out the front door victoriously when I asked her, "Did you crunch it?" When she replied that she had only "sprayed it"...with an absolute assurance that it was dead...I was still skeptical...so I remained outside until my friend Randy came over...after telling him that I could not go in the house because of the cockroach, he valiantly marched in and "took care of the situation." But when he heroically emerged from the house to get me, he informed me that indeed it was dead...it had been sprayed. So now I sit here in my room all alone in the house...not knowing if the fiend is really dead or not...and not really even knowing its whereabouts. I realized that Cori is probably the only person in the world that understands my phobia of cockroaches...but I thought I would share. The pic is the horrible creature on our ceiling. Not the welcome home I was looking for.

Happy Birthday to my Sunshine...my Monster...my favourite niece...my Brenna. :) Nine years old today! I love you!

Has anyone seen my dad? He's so sneaky when it comes time to wish him a Happy Birthday....;)

Aha! Found him...Happy Birthday to my Dad also...60 years old today! And I still think he is the best Dad there is. :) Love you!

I had a revelation today. Steel magnolias. I get it. You know the movie "Steel Magnolias"? It's a classic chic-flic...well, today, those two words connected in my head and it just made sense. You see, this past weekend, while in GA, I got a real taste of the inside life of true southern women. What on earth did you do....you may ask. Quite simply, I went to a baby shower with my cousin. She and I are both midwestern girls to the core...and as we stood there, at one point I looked over to her and said, "This is a whole different culture!" We decided that it is not something that you can put your finger on...but it is totally different than the culture of the Midwest. Pretty funny to observe, which I did a lot of since I didn't know anyone but her. From the way they dress to the way they talk to what they talk about to the way they carry themselves...it just made sense today...they are steel magnolias. They are beautiful women on the outside, they dress extravagantly (well, ok, compared to us "comfy" midwesterners!)...they look perfect. They carry themselves with much confidence and just seem to be strong in all they do. I was amazed at the differences that I saw. It was quite funny..as I watched, I realized that the movie "Steel Magnolias" is not so far off in its depiction of southern women. Things are just different down here...it really is another culture...I'm glad for that...I love new things and new cultures...its just funny how vastly different it is from one area of the States to another. :)

Well, it was an exciting night here in Athens, GA where I am staying with my cousin and her family. We had just gotten home from eating and they were getting the boys ready for bed when we looked out the front window and saw that there was a truck in the front yard. I know, you are thinking this is not a big deal...but their front yard is a REALLY steep hill...that slopes downward toward the house. So after debating on whether or not to go help, my cousin's husband (who I guess is also my cousin...or is it cousin-in-law? hmmm...) called the police to come and help. Now you have to understand that this is a terribly exciting for their two-year-old son who LOVES vehicles of any sort...particularly when they are in his front yard! Anyhow, after sliding down into the yard a little more, the police finally showed up and after realizing it was a hopeless situation, they called a tow truck. So we all sat gawking out the front window watching. And no frets, no one was hurt and the truck got pulled out after a bit...it was quite a night! :)

***I found this article online...its an interesting one...check it out..."Afghans Struggle Over Christian Convert Issue"

****Update on the above..."Afghan Court Drops Case Against Christian"

I do suppose the two of those go together quite well. They say that necessity is the mother of invention. I guess I could say in my case that boredom is the mother of random discoveries.

So last night I noticed that everytime I go up the steps in the house I am staying at this week, I start up on the same foot everytime. How did I come to this amazing discovery you ask? Simple, there is a dead spider on one of the steps that I haven't picked up yet because I hate dead bugs almost as much as I hate cockroaches and I always step on that step with my right foot and the spider is on the left side of the step, so I miss it. Its weird, I know, hello, I lived in Africa for 2 years, one would think I can handle bugs...I can, sometimes it just takes a bit to work up the courage. Anyhow, so what foot do I start off with, you ask? The left. I got to thinking about this and it made all the sense in the world! Eight years in marching band (yes, I realize I am a geek) will do that to a person...you always start off on your left foot when marching. So this is my random discovery...and I am absolutely certain that there is some deeper meaning to it...but I'm not sure I want to really go there. I mean...I guess I could say that daily practice makes habit or something like that...but I'll let you ponder that one.

So last night I walked about 5 miles around campus and I started calling anyone and everyone just to take the edge off the fact that I have been on my own all week. So, I called my brother. He's great. We have very random conversations sometimes and I found out last night that my brother can't shoot clay pigeons. That made me laugh, tough Marine can't shoot a clay pigeon. :) Well, the next time I go home, I have already arranged a date with my dad to go shooting because I want to learn how (I already know I'm a geek)...so my goal? I want to get good enough to shoot clay pigeons and then challenge my brother. :) Hehe. I know, its a long shot...but its worth a try. I suppose I would be happy if I could just hit the target...not even in the middle...just on the outer edges would be good enough for me, really. :)

Then I talked to my friend Kasey. I discovered once again that this girl is amazing. She teaches in a school where most all of the kids are from low-income families...and she has such a heart for these kids...despite the difficulty of teaching there and all she has to put up with, she has not become hardened to their situations or anything like that, but if anything, just more loving. She was telling me stories about her classroom and the students...and its just painfully obvious that God has given her a heart for this population of people. She's pretty cool in my book.

Anyhow, so this is what my boredom has come to...random discoveries and an increased phone bill that is completely worthwhile. :)

Whereas Panera is nice for the food...I am partial to studying in the library when outside or my own home is not available. I can spread out on a whole table, kick my shoes off, get up and walk around not having to worry about someone taking something of mine, and generally just be at ease. I just found out yesterday that the library is even open this week...which was a delightful surprise.

So today I called about a teaching position for next year...I'm going to meet with them next week for a few minutes as I turn in my application. Sometimes, the Lord's leading is not entirely clear until you just step out and pray that He opens and shuts doors...that's the premise I am operating on in this case.

Things are quiet around here. This morning I was reading in 2 Corinthians 5 about our heavenly dwelling and how Christ died for us that we should no longer live for ourselves, but for Him. A good challenge...do I long and even groan inwardly for Home? Am I living my life for myself or for Christ? Both tough and brutally honest questions...but necessary in this life to ask...and to answer.

Here I am again at Panera. It really is a lovely place to study. However, at this point, I am finding that my brain is swimming in mechanical layouts and greek word studies. So I decided to give my brain a break, get some hot chocolate, and post some pics on the "Photos" section of my site that I haven't done anything with since December. Anyhow, be sure to check it out. Over at the right under "Navigating my Site", look under "Photos", then "CIU" and then "Random from Dec-March".

By the way, I was reminded last night of why I like "Secondhand Lions" so much...its just a great movie, so if you get a chance to see it sometime, go for it. There are several great lines and I could see my dad being one of these two old men someday, sitting on the porch with a rifle, shooting at traveling salesmen simply for the fun of it...haha. :) Anyhow, I will share with you one good monologue from Secondhand Lions and then I need to get back to my greek word study on "authority"...I've got a long ways to go! :)

"Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love... true love never dies. You remember that, boy. You remember that. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in."

In Senegal, they had a long, skinny loaf of bread that was referred to as a "baguette". Last week, when I was here at Panera, I discovered that they had a loaf of bread called a "French Baguette"...now needless to say, I was excited at this discovery (as well as the discovery of free wireless internet which is how I am posting this now!)...but today when I came here to Panera, I ordered this "french baguette"...my first hint that it was a little different...it was far heavier than the bread in Dakar. I don't suppose it really tastes a whole lot different than the bread in Senegal, and is still good...just not quite the same as I was hoping for. Nonetheless, I am excited to take it home and break open my Vimto and watch "Secondhand Lions" this evening after a run and dinner with a friend. Hope your Sunday is lovely!

Happy Birthday, Randy...28 and still lookin' good. ;)

It looks like I am going to become very familiar with Panera this week. Spring break officially starts today...pretty much everyone has already headed out for the week...I will be staying here in Columbia at a friend's house by myself for most of the week...and since I just found out earlier this week that Panera has free Wi-Fi and french baguettes, I have decided to make that my study destination this week. :) I'm pretty excited about that...

Two other things that I am really excited about...the Vimto that is sitting in my fridge just waiting for a time like this week...and second, the glass bottle of coke that is sitting on my desk right now (imported from Mexico, not quite as sweet as the stuff in Senegal, but it works)...so those two things are bright spots in my week. I'm pretty pumped. A week of peace, quiet, homework, relaxing, and processing a lot of junk from the past. It will be good, I hope. :) If you find yourself in Columbia or in the nearby area this week, let me know...I'm free. :)

Tension and blood shed...I know, it sounds very violent...but I lead a generally peaceful life...so it's not as bad as all of that. :)

For starters, I have been told for years that I cannot give blood due to my travels in Africa, which made me sad because prior to those travels, I gave blood regularly (something about giving life to someone else makes me enjoy this). Yesterday, Red Cross was on campus doing a blood drive and out of pure curiosity, I asked them, "Can I give blood? I lived in Africa for the last two years." I was shocked when they said "Which country?" And still even more shocked when, after telling them, they said "Sure, it shouldn't be a problem at all." So...I gave blood yesterday for the first time in years. And suffered the consequences...I realized that regardless of our minds, our bodies do get older...and granted, I'm not old...but I didn't bounce back the way I used to...no worries, nothing major.

Now for the tension. There is an issue that I have been struggling with for many, many months...simply this: Where missions is concerned, should I go where it is most strategic (i.e. unreached/Muslims) or should I go to where my gifting and heart lines up more (i.e. relief type ministries)? I have attempted to ask several people about this question (I still can't phrase it quite right) and no one has really understood what I am asking...until yesterday in a class group that I was in. And this guy in my group said EXACTLY what I have been hoping someone who understood my heart question would say....he said, "You need to stop worrying about the emphasis of the hour (Muslims) and go where you are called."

"It seems so obvious," you say. "YES!" I heartily agree. But people don't say that. The emphasis at CIU and in churches is the Muslim world...and I see that as most strategic because of what God is doing in the Muslim world right now...however, God has given me a passion for children, particularly children who don't have a chance in life...and the thing about kids is, they are the leaders of tomorrow...if we catch them early with the love of Christ...there is so much hope for tomorrow. Meeting felt needs, as my prof said, shows how God enters their world.

Ok, so its obvious and I'm stubborn and not the brightest lightbulb at times...but sometimes you just need someone to say, "It's ok...you don't have to do what people see as the most strategic ministry. Go where God is calling you." So whereas I'm not sure yet of the impact (as I said yesterday in my moment of clarity--see below), it just felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders...again, the clouds parted, the sun was shining down, all the angelic voices were singing in harmony...and it just made sense. We'll see where God goes with it. :)

So one reoccurring theme in my life in the past year has been, "You are single." Some days I have a problem with this...others, I couldn't be more content as such. Another reoccurring theme in my life since 2002 has been Africa, in particular Uganda...and when I found out about what it happening in Sudan/Uganda, it has been a constant in my thoughts. These last couple of weeks have maintained that reoccurring theme of Darfur (the Southern region of Sudan) as it has been talked about much here on campus and even when I watched the news last night for the first time in...well, probably years if I must be honest.

So today in chapel when they were talking about the Darfur genocide, I had a moment of clarity. I don't really know yet what implications this will have on my life, but I'm always thankful when the clouds part, even for just a moment and the sun shines through and all the angelic voices sing in harmony and things just make sense. It's rare. But I had one of those moments today in an exchange with a friend of mine that looked humorous from the outside, but deep down, I think led to this clarity. We were talking in chapel (honestly, teachers are the WORST students...we just can't be quiet when another person is talking!), and my friend leaned over and told me about a family who had gone to Darfur and the husband had been martyred, leaving alone his wife and their baby, who then returned home to Europe. And here is the moment...I said, "Maybe THAT'S why I am still single! If I go over there and get killed, its just me...I don't have a husband or children to worry about!" Interesting thought, no?

Now this makes it sound like I am heading in the direction of the future and putting down boys saying they are worthless and I never want to get married...which is all unfortunately very false...the simple fact remains that I am a shmuck of a girl who wants to get married as badly as the next 28 year old single female. So rather than go down that line of thinking, I thought about years past. There were a couple of times in the past when I thought I had met the man of my dreams...Well, clearly I was very off (and consequently seriously doubt my judgment...perhaps arranged marriages aren't so bad after all!)...however, had I gotten married at a younger age...I seriously doubt I would have had the experiences I have had in life. Venezuela, Uganda...Senegal...now onto the seminary of my choice and this summer traveling back to Africa...I don't know, but I don't think I would give up these experiences for the world.

Its like this, the God who made us knows intimately our hearts...far better than we do, I think. Obviously, since He's omniscient (fancy word for all-knowing), He knows what we need and what we desire and since He made us, He knows how those things fit together. Now, that's not saying that there won't be hard times and after my last year, I don't say that lightly...but He is good and wants to bring glory to Himself through us...and what better way to do that than to use us for the purpose He made us for. For some, that's marriage when you are 22. For some, that going to the field single to serve. For some, that is working in a school everyday. I guess I'm just struck by God's goodness in His seemingly (at times) unkindness to a simple girl like me. I mean, my biggest desire, He has withheld from me thus far...but when I stop looking at it in a negative light, I see the amazing things He has allowed me to experience which shed a light of beauty on the future that allow me to relax and say, "Whatever, Lord...You know best."

I love adventure. God knows that. So I look forward to the adventures ahead that He has planned out for me and Him. So there it is...reoccurring themes and a moment of clarity.

"....crooked little smile upon her face...tells a tale of grace...that's all her own..."
-"Seven Years", Norah Jones

Tonight I had a conversation with a friend of mine about where we've come from in the past...you know, all the old stuff that we aren't proud of, but is part of the story of who we are. I got to thinking this evening about how we each have a tale of grace that is all our own. Today, I soaked in some sun and started reading "Abba's Child" for real this time...and I ran across this:

"...but anything exposed by the light will be illuminated and anything illuminated turns into light (Ephesians 5:12-14)...God not only forgives and forgets our shameful deeds but even turns their darkness into light....In a futile attempt to erease our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others."

Ok, granted, mostly in this chapter he is talking about wounds and being a "Wounded Healer"...but I thought it applied well to our individual tales of grace...God can turn ANYTHING into light...and that's pretty sweet in my book because I know the ugly past that I have. God is good. :)

"Looking back you know you had to bring me through

All that I was so afraid of

And though I questioned the sky, now I see why

Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain-view

Looking back, I see the lead of Love."
-"Lead of Love", Caedmon's Call

Picture, if you will, a dam. Now, there are some holes in the dam. There is a person in front of the dam trying to stop up all the holes...blocking the tremendous force of water that it is holding back. The dam is cracking...the person can't keep up with all the holes. What happens next?

I know it is the lead of love...it just doesn't make sense.

"Hush little baby, don't say a word
Daddy's gonna buy you a great big heaven to rest in
He's bought it with blood
And put the seal on your heart
It'll give you the hope you need
To get up and start again."

-Hush, Waterdeep

The "a" button on my keyboard is not working very well. That is something I'm not very thankful for. :) However, I am ever so thankful for a friend who, when they hear in your voice that all is not ok, doesn't turn away and just wonder what is wrong...but instead takes the time to ask what is going on and listens to your reply. Someone did that for me tonight and it means the world to me...its funny the way God shows Himself through brothers and sisters in Christ who step in when no one else dares. Thank You, Lord for those few people in my life.

Happy Birthday to my long time buddy, Micah!! Have a great day! :)

Ok, I have to admit, I couldn't remember what KISS stood for until a friend of mine reminded me a couple weeks ago...Keep It Simple, Stupid...so in honor of that reminder, here goes...

Talking to my best friend, Cori
Watching an episode of Alias
A warm, sunny day
Playing Clue with 4 of my favorite people
+ Not having to wake up at 5:30am in the morning for work
____________________________________________

A lovely day

Ten Firsts
First best friend - Before I became an Iowan, Nick Sales...on the Iowa side, Kevra Tanke (Hawk) or Susie Kinzenbaw (Veatch)
First screen name - butterflyjar
First pet - Angel (my cat who lived for 21 years!)
First piercing- ears...ONLY piercing :)
First crush - Nick Sales
First CD - I don't remember...but I think my first tape was the soundtrack to Annie :)
First car- Blue Volvo that my aunt let me borrow while she was stationed in South Korea
First stuffed animal - I don't know my first, but my favorite is my stuffed frog, Fleegle, who comes with me where ever I live
First thought this morning- What time is it? Wow, I have to pee!
First words this morning- Lord, I love you...I need Your grace for today.


Nine Lasts
Last beverage - milk!

Last car ride - to Broad River Road to get the next 2 discs of Alias, Season 4 with Steph

Last movie seen - At home, Mask of Zoro...in the theater, End of the Spear
Last phone call - my teammate, Randy
Last CD played - I'm listening to Waterdeep right now, but its on my computer, last night in my car we listened to Harry Connick, Jr. "Red Light, Blue Light"
Last bubble bath - Probably 3 years ago before I left for Senegal, didn't have a bath tub there or here in SC
Last time you cried - Probably last week...though I'm not sure...I know I cried from laughing too hard last week, though!
Last time you laughed - About 10 minutes ago when talking to my teammate, Randy, and he tried to pick a "fight" with me
Last time you fell - Earlier this semester when I was trying to get to the restroom and I ran out of my room with my socks on and turned the corner (we have hardwood floors) and my feet just got too far ahead of the rest of me!

Eight Shows you like -
1. 24

2. Alias

3. Gilmore Girls
4. CSI
5. Simpsons
6. Ok, I didn't access to TV in Senegal
7. and we don't have cable here
8. so I really don't know what else I like bc I don't watch anything...! :)

Seven Things You Are Wearing
1. Running pants
2. Green t-shirt
3. Sweetpea body spray
4. Hair tie on my wrist
5. Clippy in my hair
6. socks
7. undergarments

Six Things You've Done Today - I love Saturdays...

1. woke up at 9am
2. went and did the stairs and lifted with Steph
3. showered
4. went to return and rent movies
5. watched one episode of Alias

6. went to lunch

Five Favorite Things
1. warm, sunny days
2. clear, starry nights

3. spending time with my friends/family
4. africa
5. playing outside

Four People You Can Trust With Anything
1. Mom/Dad

2. Cori
3. Missy

4. Jesus

Three Choices
1. Hot or cold - outside, hot...drinks, cold
2. Black or white - black
3.Chocolate or Vanilla - totally depends on my mood

Two Things You Want To Do Before You Die
1. get married and have a family
2. see my loved ones come to know Jesus' saving grace

One Thing You Regret
1. not going to the doctor when i "sprained" my ankle in November...over 3 months later, i'm beginning to think it might be a little more serious than a "sprain" :)

Happy Birthday to my favorite sis-in-law. :) She's a smart girl. ;) Love you!

Happy Birthday to our talented Big Fish. :)