If I didn't have such a grasp on the fact that God doesn't make mistakes, I would be pretty positive that He really meant for me to be on earth at least a hundred years ago rather than right now. I have been told more than once that I have an "old soul" and the idea of exploring new frontiers and not being in a such a time/task oriented culture has always appealed to me. To have life be far more simple...hard work, but not as complicated. Some call me a "dreamer", some just call me strange. Regardless, I know what I read in Acts and there it tells me that God placed me in this exact place at this exact time for His purposes...so alas, He has not made a mistake.

However, if He had meant for me to live even 2,000 years ago, then the decision that is hanging over my head would be much easier. All I would have to do is cast some lots and go with whatever they said. I wonder why that method of decision making ever disappeared...I'm sure there is some deeply theological reason for it...but some days, I really wish it were still in existence. :) For instance, in my situation...I have literally written out the pros and cons...and if you ignore either column, it would be an easy decision to make, but when considering both of them, the decision is weighty and difficult. And sometimes I curse my determination (also known as stubbornness in many cases!)...I don't like to disappoint, but in this case, I cannot make everyone happy; someone will be disappointed. So where do we draw the line? We've only been given so many hours in the day...we've only been given enough strength and grace for one day at a time.

I was put on earth to bring glory to God...and with all I am and in all I do, I long to do that. It's just that sometimes, the right decision isn't clear...even when nearly everyone in your life tells you the same thing, there is still that nagging feeling that maybe, just maybe, that's not what God is really saying. Again, if only casting lots was still around. Life would be much easier at this particular junction. :)

Tomorrow is D-Day for me (decision day)...and there are no lots to cast. And only 12 more hours to decide. God is good and will get the glory regardless...I just wish I knew how that was going to be. :) Ha, I guess we'll know in the morning!