You know, sometimes I really struggle to know what I should do with my life. Obviously, I came to CIU to be a missionary, but there is a vast field within missions itself. Sometimes I get discouraged and think that I'm just not good at anything and that I really shouldn't be here because I will never be effective for Christ in reaching lost people...well, I don't know if anyone else ever feels that way...but I guess tonight as I am sitting here pondering life, I just wanted to share this thing that I got out of a DTS magazine many years ago...I take it with me everytime I move and post it on the wall where I will always see it because it reminds me that God can use ANYONE who is committed to Him. Enjoy!

HE IS ABLE

There are lots of logical reasons why God should never use us. And we're in good company:

Noah got drunk.
Abraham lied about his wife.
Jacob was a swindler.
Moses stuttered.
He also had an anger problem.
Hosea married a prostitute.
David had an affair.
Solomon had a bunch of wives.
The woman at the well had a bunch of husbands.
Naomi was a widow.
Sarah was too old.
David was too young.
Peter was afraid of death.
Lazarus was dead.
Miriam was a gossip.
Jonah ran away from God.
Thomas doubted.
Jeremiah got depressed.
Elijah got burnt out.
Martha was too busy.
Timothy had stomach problems.
John Mark was rejected by the apostle Paul.
Moses was a murderer.
So was David.
So was Paul.
-SG

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you'...Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor. 12:9

I haven't done one of these for a long while...I think its about time now that I've lived here for a month or so.

Things I love about CIU/SC:

1) My 4 housemates and other wonderful friends.
2) Sliding down the hardwood floors of our house in slippers/socks with Amy.
3) Getting the best compliment I have ever had from a prof...or just about anyone.
4) Going to Africa this summer with a team of like-hearted individuals.
5) Ya'all, and other long drawn out words...in short, the great southern accents! :)
6) The scent of pine outside.
7) Knowing I always have someone to sit with at lunch/dinner and chapel.
8) Chik-fil-a!!!
9) Only a four hour time difference from Senegal and one from Iowa!!
10) Brilliant profs who are very real and care about us as people.

Things I don't so much love about CIU/SC:

1) FIRE ANTS!
2) The fact that it is officially fall and it is still warm enough to wear shorts/tshirts.
3) 8am classes (as Amy says, "They are of the devil.") :)
4) Pine needles...everywhere...seriously...its out of control!!! They are like a type of precipitation here!!
5) All the creepy crawlies that manage to find their way into MY room!!!

Don't you just hate it when you have worked for about 5 hours straight and literally accomplished nothing!? The internet is supposed to be this tool where you can find virtually anything...I guess that's why they say "virtually anything" because it doesn't mean "everything"...for instance, a specific people groups' animistic rituals. :) Well, I'm getting used to it...but here are a few things that I read earlier and wanted to pass along:

"The glory of God is a person fully alive." -Ignatius

and

"The Hebrews' understanding of knowledge, however, is that the degree to which we know something is the degree to which we have integrated it into our everyday life. It is of no use to say we believe something when our actions betray our beliefs." -"Out of the Saltshaker"

Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
Is all alone

Eyes wide open
Always hoping for the sun
And she'll sing her song to anyone that comes along

Fragile as a leaf in autumn
Just fallin' to the ground
Without a sound

Crooked little smile on her face
Tells a tale of grace
That's all her own

Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
And she's all alone
-Norah Jones

Not sure why, but I have always loved this song. I was listening to it last night as I was reflecting on some things in life. Guess there's something there, but I'm not going to go there. Enjoy the lyrics, listen to the song. Just wanted to share.

"We've got to quit treating this life as if it were home."

The president of the IMB came and spoke at our chapel time this morning. I have to confess that I was delightfully surprised at what this man had to say. The above is a quote from a woman who was with the IMB and whose husband was killed last year (she herself was also shot up). As God always tends to do with me, He showed me my own selfishness today and that my life is not about me...it's about Him. I get so caught up in my own wants and desires that I forget that I am not here to have a comfortable life where I always feel "at home"...this life is not home...it is simply a brief stay before we go on to our final home. Jesus is great about breaking my selfishness and my pride. I have so much yet to learn. But think about it today...this life is not long and there are no guarentees...where are you going to be spending eternity? Shouldn't you be spending time here getting ready for your time there since that is forever and this is only a few seconds? I don't know about you, but I need and want to fall more in love with Jesus now, while I am on this earth.

Broken and battered your confidence shattered but I am still here
The things that you cling to they seem to just bring you right back to your fears
Were the nails and the spear in My side not quite enough
To providethe victory you need in your life
Come to Me,
Come to Me
If you come to Me, it'll be all right now
--"Come to Me" by Jill Paquette

Some days are just harder than others. Some nights are just more lonely. Sometimes its harder to feel His arms holding me close. But it'll be all right. He's good. "This too shall pass"...and tomorrow is a new day full of new hope and new opportunities. Thank You, Jesus for that.

So today was the Sabbath and we are not allowed to do schoolwork. I got it in my mind that I wanted to go hike in the mountains, so I asked Steph to come with me. We found some directions to a really great sounding trail up near the border of North Carolina/South Carolina and headed out. About an hour and a half later we arrived to the city where we had to make a turn to get on the correct road. Well...to make a long story short, we never did find it. It was just one more time in my life where I wish a guy had been along...guys just seem to have this innate sense of direction and are (generally) good at finding places that us girls can't find. Ha, I know, never thought you'd hear me say that...well, I guess it comes with age to realize that guys really are nice to have around sometimes. :)

So we gave up and decided to settle for a state park that we had seen along the way and just walking one of the trails there. So we get off at this exit and take many twists and turns to end up at this state park...that has no trails to walk. So now its dark and neither of us can remember which turns we have to take to get back to our road.

All I can say is THANK YOU DAD for getting me my handy dandy little compass for my car before I left. So, we knew we needed to head southeast and I took the advice of a guy I used to know that goes like this "all smaller roads lead to a bigger road"...and we made it home at long last.

So, no hiking occurred, but it was not all a loss...I mean, what better way to get to know the state than to get utterly lost in it and then find your way out again!! Fun times, for sure. :)

Have you ever had one of those dreams that was so vivid that you woke up utterly confused as to if it was just a dream or if it really happened? Yeah, I experienced that this morning when I woke up. I was so thrown off by it, in fact, that I called my good friend Missy and later even my mom to talk to them about it. Disturbing. Sometimes I don't know where these things come from and they are just so weird!! Just wanted to share. :)

Happy First Day of Autumn...yesterday. :)

I didn't get to a computer at all yesterday as we had a Prayer Day here that was incredible and then last night our house hosted a Fall Party with hot chocolate, lots of sweets, and some singing. Hopefully it was a good time had by all. :)

So in hearing from some of my closest friends in the last couple of days, I have found that all of us are kind of struggling with different things in life. I think sometimes I'm far too introspective, but God uses times like these to purge us of the things that hinder us from loving Him more. I was reading back on some of my old blog entries and came across one from March that I remember very vividly writing...it was in the midst of a heart-wrenching time for me and hope was hard to find. But I guess I just wanted to post it again and say that to those who are struggling with tough stuff...God gives a hope that doesn't disappear.

Daffodils breaking through the ground.
Buds on the trees.
Green grass growing.
The cold disappearing.
A smile from a face you love.
Tenderness in a hard situation.
Strength renewed.
A reason to keep on going.

The love of a Saviour that overwhelms, renews, strengthens, and brings this hope.

Greetings from the very warm state of SC! I made it back safely, which I am utterly thankful for...but it was an interesting trip all around this weekend...I have not decided yet if it is Detroit that I didn't like or if it was NW airlines. :) The trip there consisted of 4 gate changes, a broken plane, and an hour and a half delay. On the way back through there it consisted of 2 gate changes, a 2.5 hour delay, and all of my luggage not quite making it to SC with me. :) However, it gave me a good reason to stop by Chik-fil-a to get some "comfort food" on my way home since I missed the dinner at our neighbors!! :) So I can't complain too much...:) It is nice to be back amongst friends who I have already come to love very dearly and feel very at home with...though nothing can beat time with my family and my good friends Missy, Becky, and Joe. :) Six weeks and I get to do it all over again!!

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

"Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns

Me, Brina, and Micah...tailgating before the game...go Hawks!!

Go Hawks!! At the game. :)

Becky, me, and Missy hanging out and playing "guess that 80's song and artist"...fun times. :)

So after the early morning drive to Charlotte, NC this morning, I thought the rest of the day would be a piece of cake. Ha, today is one of those days when I am utterly thankful for a sense of humor. :) The flight to Detroit was no problem...however, getting out of Detroit proved to be an adventure. I'll just put it this way...3 gate changes, a broken plane, and an hour + delay. Giddy up.

But I'm thankful to be home. It's nearly harvest season here in Iowa...my favorite. Tonight I went to my nephews' football games (check out the pics below this)...it was fun to go back to my old stomping grounds to watch my newphews take the field. I got to hang out with my brother and his wife...and my folks...and lots of other people that I haven't seen for an even longer time. :) However, I was reintroduced to cold weather tonight and I tell you, I think my body is in shock! I have experienced near-summer conditions for 2 years solid now...anything below 75 is very cold to me...well, it was definitely below that tonight...I couldn't see my breath, but I'm convinced that nature was just playing a trick, because it is certainly cold enough for it!! After some serious pleading, my brother was kind enough to let me borrow his jacket for a bit. :)

Anyhow, it's been a long day...but I made it. And tomorrow is another adventure...back to my alma matter to see my Hawks play. Go Hawks!!

I made it home in time for my nephews' football games tonight. My brother, Aaron, and sis-in-law, Lara were there also. I don't know if you will notice this...but do you see the angle of my arm!? My big brother still likes to pick on me. ;)

So this is my niece and her little friend Keaton. Pretty cute, I must say. :)

Those of you non-Iowans...I thought you would appreciate the view of the football field...and beyond. ;) Can you tell its nearly harvest season?

At long last...I am connected to the wireless internet!! I wanted to get a couple pics up here and hopefully I will get some more up in the "Photos" section under "CIU". Ok, meet my roomies...from left to right they are: Stephanie, Rachel, Rebekah, me, and Amy. :)

Here are the 5 of us roomies with some boys who needed some dinner...Eric, Chris, and Paul.

So today I get the pleasure of hanging out with my old pal Alan. He led the team to Uganda in 2002 that changed my life and plays a huge role in my being here at CIU. It is nice being able to catch up with him. :)

Tonight the grad guys and girls are going out for pizza and then bowling, which is sure to be a great time as well...I haven't bowled in years...so it could be interesting...not sure I feel like making a fool of myself, but whatever. :)

Anyhow, nothing else new to report, I tried getting a pic up of my roomies and I...but its just not working out...so I guess it will have to wait until I have wireless....which is hopefully soon??? :)

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you
-Bethany Dillon "I Believe"

You take an ordinary day
And turn it into flowers like the month of May
Yes you do
You see all my pain
You cry over it for hours till I'm new again
Yes you do
-Bethany Dillon "New"

I think that maybe I have posted something recently with these lyrics, but I don't really care. Today has been a day of reflection. Things in my life aren't going exactly how I had pictured them and I know better than hold onto the picture in my mind...I have already let go of that...but the idea of a "loss" is there. Nothing earth shattering or anything of that nature...just the loss of something I had in my mind that is not turning out to equal the vision in my mind. But I guess I can rejoice in the fact that God has a better vision of my life in His mind...and whereas I am sure the road will not be an easy one...I know that He cries "over it for hours until I'm new again"...one day I will be new. One of these days I will learn to really just let go of all this world offers and let Jesus dream for me in a way that I will not hold onto any of my small dreams, but instead embrace His larger ones. He is teaching me. I count it a blessing that He loves me enough to let me walk through pain to draw me closer to Him...and that He is always with me through the pain, even though I may not feel it. Like love, it is not just a feeling...it is a choice...it is a commitment. And I know that Jesus is the only guy who will ever be able to carry through fully with His commitment to me. I love that. What hope that inspires in my heart. I don't know how I would make it without this hope that He brings. Without the love that He gives. Without the way that He is always there for me and sees every tear that no one else on this earth sees. Without the way He knows me intimately and loves me in spite of that. :)

This whole being a college student again is great...but I am finding myself with more time than I really know what to do with. I mean, let's be honest...you can only study for so many hours in a day without completely frying your brain! I don't have a job yet (I'm working on it, waiting to hear back from a few possible opps)...I only have classes on Tuesday and Thursday...and basically, the rest of the time is spent studying...or keeping myself occupied in some other way...ie, basketball with my roomies, watching movies, or whatever other thing happens to present itself! So different from the life I led in the last two years.

No big adventures to speak of right now...having class at 8am with a professor who is absolutely brilliant is a bit overwhelming...still have to find myself a dictionary...and learn all these big words. It's great. :) Being stretched is wonderful...but exhausting. :) Not only my brain...but my heart and to my very soul is being stretched.

Ok, time to go study...hm, or take a nap. :)

I developed a love for Jello this last year in Senegal when Cori's parents came over one time and made us some and we put whipcream in it. It was really good. I had tried to make some earlier in the year...but I think it was too old and never did set. Jello is good stuff..but that is not why I like Jello.

Jello is a word I use often when describing my plans in life. When I look back on the last year and how my life just did not go the way I had planned, but instead the way that God planned...I learned about Jello. I learned to make my plans in Jello. And it seems that God is again reminding me of that as I have started classes here. When I came here a week or so ago, I had some notion of what it was I would walk out of here doing...but after some serious questioning of myself and of God, I find myself wondering...what am I doing?

I am still learning about Jello. I stand here on the brink of something, not having any idea where it is really going to lead...but knowing Who is leading it...and that is the only way I can rest assured. Jello...it not only tastes good, but is applicable to life in so many ways!!

So this morning I discovered that I am going to need to purchase a dictionary for all these HUGE words that my systematic theology prof uses. I was pretty much clueless throughout the entire 3 hours of class...not a good way to start. :) I guess working with kids, I never worried much about a big vocabulary...haha, the game has now changed, though! This will be fun. So if any of y'all want to help me out with this, just throw some big words into our conversations and I'll try to figure out what they mean. :) It's going to be a humbling time!