Did I mention we are a little bored? So I found this nice scarf and did Cori's hair up in it and Phil was nice enough to snap a pic for us. :) Doesn't she look lovely!? :) We have fun with what we have. :)

All is quiet here. The mad rush of trying to finish curriculum for yesterday's deadline is finally over. It is a hot day outside. Cori, Phil, and I are sitting here watching soccer on TV. Progress reports are due on Monday, which means there are only 5 weeks of school left! Which also means quite a bit of work.

I went to lunch today with a friend from NTM. I love taxi rides. They are always an adventure. Today on the way back we had quite possibly the most friendly taxi driver either of us had ever seen! Everytime he stopped due to traffic he started talking to whoever was in the car next to him. He finally broke out with an English phrase, "Time is money!" and we both cracked up and then he asked us if we were American. :)

Anyhow, I don't have much to report today and I'm too tired to think. I haven't been sleeping well lately and I'm starting to wonder why I bother going to bed. Oh well, I guess a few hours is better than none.

Oh, my college pastor, Jesse, is getting married today. Congrats, JB. :) Have fun!

An amazing Thanksgiving dinner enjoyed with the best of friend.

Random beach days.

Alias/24 Monday nights with Cori, Barb, and Phil.

Christmas with my "family" here.

Watching the Hawks win their bowl game in the company of friends.

Movie/Game nights.

Baobab Rope course.

Walking the beach in NGaparou picking up shells and enjoying God's creation.

Running a mile...twice.

Oliver, Bob, and Baby and the odd things that happen with them.

Basketball at night when no one else is around but Cori and I.

These are just a few of the precious gifts God has given to me this year that have helped keep me going and made me laugh and smile to the depths of my heart. Sometimes I need to think on those things to remind me that God really does know our needs and comes through with something so seemingly insignificant when we need it most. Life really is a precious gift and full of such simple and wonderful things such as these very few listed from this year alone. I'm thankful for each of these times and each of these friends. I have 5 weeks remaining...it's time to start saying goodbye for real. Joy and laughter are always somewhere to be found, we just have to take a hold of them and thank God when they appears. Thanks, God. I love each of these times and all the other times that are flashing in my mind. Thank You for honest, heartfelt laughter and the lightness it brings. I love laughing. It is a gift.

The application is in.

The essay is written.

The references are distributed.

The deposit is paid.

The transcripts have been sent for.

Holy cats!! I just applied for seminary. I have no idea if this will pan out with the whole financial issue and me deciding so late about this. But as I think my mom said, trust God and go for it, see what happens. Wow. I could be moving to SC in August. Wow. I would soo love that. I think. Wow. Can you believe this?! I have dreamed of this for so long...and now its here and I have gone through with it. I have no reason not to anymore. God is good!! Wow. Its in His hands. :) I'll let you know what happens!!

"Charles Spurgeon once said that when a jewler shows his best diamonds, he sets them against a black velvet backdrop. The contrast of the jewels against the dark velvet brings out the luster. In the same way, God does His most stunning work where things seem hopeless. Wherever there is pain, suffering, and desperation, Jesus is. And that's where his people belong--among those who are vulnerable, who think nobody cares. What better place for the brilliance of Christ to shine?"
-Jim Cymbala "Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire"

I read this last night as I was drifting off to a restless sleep that was virtually pointless. Cori asked me yesterday that when I look back on this year, what do I think God was trying to do? At the time, there were people around who were listening in that I didn't really want to hear my answer, so I shrugged it off with some lame reply. But her question haunted me for the rest of the night and even into this morning. I tell my kids almost everyday, "I don't know the mind of God and I will never claim to know what He is doing, I just know He works in mysterious ways!" I'm not going to lay my heart out on the line here either because I know that I don't have an answer and the answer I do have isn't meant to be written for the whole world to see. But I do know that God let's things happen in our lives to 1) Draw us closer to Him and 2) so that we can share our experiences with brothers and sisters who walk the same road to comfort them and maybe even give them a bit of guidance. Others that I know have undergone a far harder year than I have and are still walking through it. For me, I'm now picking up the pieces and walking forward step at a time into an uncertain future that I know full well my Maker holds carefully in His loving hands. The pain, for the most part, is over for me. But I guess for those who are still walking through it, there is the hope that Jesus is there beside you. As I learned, He will never leave or forsake you. (Ok, so it says it in the Bible very plainly, but I learn things the hard way more often than not!) As a brother of mine said, "I will always have a friend in Jesus." And in the hard places that we walk through...His love and mercy and grace and power are shown all the more clearly.

This is my cousin Alisa's (and Scott!) baby, McCance, as he is still forming in her womb. Isn't this the most amazing thing!? I'm excited to see how beautiful McCance is when he finally decides to join us out here. :)

"For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be."
Psalm 139:13-16

"Christianity is the one place where the only qualification is that you don't qualify."
--Sheila Walsh

As most of you who know me know, I can't just read one book at a time...no, currently, I am reading 4 books. Its a bit ridiculous, but oh well. :) So the other day, I read this quote and I just loved it. I love the whole notion of Brennan Mannings "ragamuffin gospel". This view on Christianity just shows all the more that its not about us, its instead all about God and His grace and mercy on us. Christianity is often made into something that it shouldn't be. I love the way my college pastor, JB puts it, "I'm just one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread." Love is what ties us all together as brothers and sisters. And God as our Father...and Friend.

Welcome to the world, Jacob Ryan West. Or as you may get called...Jacob West Ryan West. :) Congrats Jesse and Lisa...(for everyone else, Jesse is my cousin). :)

Last night I was reading the book "Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire" by Jim Cymbala. It's a great book talking about the power of prayer. I love it because he shares so many stories where God answered prayers when His children gathered together and cried out to Him. Then I read the lyrics to this song that the wife of the pastor wrote and they just touched my heart, spoke the words that I feel I fumble over everytime I try to explain the last 9 months of my life...or my whole life for that matter. He's faithful...and good, all the time. Here they are, I just wanted to share.

In my moments of fear,
Through every pain, every tear,
There's a God who's been faithful to me.
When my strength was all gone,
When my heart had no song,
Still in love He's proved faithful to me.
Every word He's promised is true;
What I thought was impossible, I see my God do.

He's been faithful, faithful to me,
Looking back, His love and mercy I see.
Though in my heart I have questioned,
Even failed to believe,
Yet He's been faithful, faithful to me.

When my heart looked away,
The many times I could not pray,
Still my God, He was faithful to me.
The days I spent so selfishly,
Reaching out for what pleased me;
Even then God was faithful to me
Every time I come back to Him,
He is waiting with open arms,
And I see once again.

He's been faithful, faithful to me...

Today was a long day of grading. A teacher should never allow him/herself to get behind in grading because then the whole weekend goes to waste. I just graded papers for 4 hours straight and probably have at least an hour left to do at some point tomorrow. :) Oh well, I can't complain...only 6 weeks left and then its all over for this teaching thing.

So today I am discussing with God how on earth I could pay for 2 years of seminary without going into debt. A friend of mine came by and told me that it was totally possible...because I am very poor. :) Haha. But what can I say, its true. :) It'll all work out. I think I'm excited about going to seminary...I think I better apply...so I can go!! :)

Tomorrow is Monday again. Its crazy how fast the weeks go by.

This morning, Cori and I came down to school…and after about 10 minutes of sitting here contemplating doing work, we realized that it was far too nice of a day to sit inside and do work. So we called Phil and the three of us went to the beach. Cori and I played Frisbee with some African guy who later gave us a “cado” (gift) of frozen bisap juice. Then we cooled down by getting in the Atlantic…it didn’t take long to cool down. :) And when Cori pointed out a small jellyfish in the water a few feet away from us, I promptly found my way to shore. After sitting for about an hour drying off and chatting with each other and our favorite lady at the beach who sells little treats, Saucy, we headed for home. I love the people here. They are so warm and loving and generous…even when they have so little. I know its not a perfect culture by any means, but I do love these people. Anyhow, it was a perfectly lazy day…an absolute success. :)

As I was sitting there on the beach, I realized that no matter how much I love a day at the beach, I am more of a mountain girl. Last night, we had a girl’s night where we ate “healthy pancakes” (made with bananas instead of sugar) and watched “What a Girl Wants”. It is a cute movie and there was one line in it that really struck me. The guy says to the girl, “Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were made to stand out?” And it hit me that God has made each of us so unique from one another. I got to thinking about a relationship that I am now very thankful is over, though, of course at the time, it was very painful. But God knew both what I wanted and what His best was. There seem to be certain things about each of us that when we enter into a relationship, we should not compromise…no matter how tempting it is. I know relationships are about finding the middle ground and loving through the differences…but there are certain, God-given things that define who we are that should not be compromised or we will be dissatisfied. And whereas the goal of life is not happiness…God does wish us to live in the abundance of the life He offers…which is hard to do when we have compromised who we are for something that God may not even want for us. I guess without unpacking this any further, I will suffice it to say that in retrospect, God doesn’t allow us to settle for less than His best when we are walking with Him. I love that about Him. And where He closes one door, therein lay the hope of a new door to walk through. Life is sweet…and God is good. :)

Cori and I came outside this morning and the sky was beautiful...I just wanted to share it with you. I love Africa sky...it was so peaceful...

Then we got to school...where the senior class had turned the campus almost literally upsidedown. Its tradition...this weekend is senior sneak...and the "Curse of the Senior Class" hit DA...

so much for getting in the office...

this was a nice addition to the basketball court...they were creative...

desks on the roof...vans in the lunch shelter...

this looks kind of like the barricade from Les Miserables...so much for lunch...

and tables in trees!

Last week the school implemented and passed on the emergency plans for evacuation and lockdown incase anything should ever happen here at DA. Today we had the lockdown drill and the kids did an outstanding job of getting against the wall in turtle position and not making a peep. I think the sound of the siren mixed with the lights being off and all curtains and windows pulled with the door locked and bolted sent a chill through all of us.

As we sat there in dead silence, I just started praying for our safety. Safety is something we take for granted many times. Some of the students here at DA today are alive and well because they knew the procedures for a lockdown when ICA (the missionary school in Cote d'Ivoire) errupted in war three years ago and again this last year. Three years ago, Cote d'Ivoire was one of the most stable African countries on the continent...and virtually overnight, it became a warzone. My roommate, Cori, was one of those people at ICA when they were evacuated 3 years ago and I have heard about what happened from her as well as others.

I guess I am just thankful for the safety we have here and pray that we will never have to do anything but simply drill these emergency plans. I felt almost as a mother hen when that drill was happening...counting all my kids...and when I found that one was missing, just praying that she would remember what she needed to do to be safe where ever she was on campus. It was just a drill, but it does make you think. Things can change very quickly...but no matter what, God is in control and has His hands upon us.

I have been accused of many things over the last several months. Yesterday, I was accused of another thing that I never thought I would be accused of...especially given my past. Oh well. It doesn't matter what people think, only what God thinks. I love this pic...black and white is such a beautiful thing. God is so creative with all the colors He made.

It's weird when your friends start having families of their own. Congrats Andy and Bridget! He is a beautiful boy!!

Welcome to the world Jackson Owen!

This violin represents a promise I made to a woman I loved very dearly, my grandma. She left me this violin when she died and I promised that I would learn to play it. As I sit here now, I realize that I have not upheld that promise...and having so many promises broken to me this year, I have again been thinking on this precious instrument. Music is a form of release for me, something I love and miss so much. I may never be a master at this violin, but I made a promise, and I don't intend to break my promise. My grandma was a wonderful woman who I adored...I do miss her. But I will see her again on That Day.

'Twas battered and scarred and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely worth his while
To waste much time on the old violin,
But he held it up with a smile.
"What am I bid, good folk?" he cried.
"Who'll start the bidding for me?
A dollar, a dollar ... now two ... only two ...
Two dollars, and who'll make it three?
"Three dollars once, three dollars twice,
Going for three" ... but no!

From the room far back a gray-haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow.
Then wiping the dust from the old violin
And tightening up the strings,
He played a melody pure and sweet,
As sweet as an angel sings.
The music ceased, and the auctioneer,
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said, "What am I bid for the old violin?"
As he held it up with the bow.

"A thousand dollars ... and who'll make it two?
Two...two thousand, and who'll make it three?
Three thousand once and three thousand twice ...
Three thousand and gone!" said he.
The people cheered, but some exclaimed
"We do not quite understand ...
What changed it's worth?" and the answer came:
" 'Twas the touch of the master's hand."

And many a man with soul out of tune
And battered and scarred by sin
Is auctioned cheap by the thoughtless crowd
Just like the old violin.
But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd
Never can quite understand
The worth of a soul, and the change that is wrought
By the touch of the master's hand.

O Master! I am the tuneless one
Lay, lay Thy hand on me,
Transform me now, put a song in my heart
Of melody, Lord, to Thee!
~ Myra Brooks Welch ~

I am so thankful for these friends and others who I don't have any pics of. They way you have loved me and encouraged me have been utterly precious to me. I love you guys. All of you. :)

Some days I fear if I begun,
I would never stop.
A river would form,
And I would drown.

Some days I become hardened instead
An impenetrable wall forms
No one gets in
And no thoughts get out

Some days I allow them to assail me
Ripping me to shreds
Barely moving forward
Barely breathing

Some days I fall down
In need of His love that heals
The rawness overwhelms me
So tender to the touch

All days I long for a change
Only some days am I brave enough
But He is intimately familiar
With all of this.

"Record my lament;
list my tears on your scroll
are they not in your record?"
Psalm 56:8

Please do not judge me in my honesty. I am but a sister who is struggling along, determined to make it. I need not your harsh words of judgment, but instead your words of loving kindness. No words would be better than the judgmental ones I have echoing in my ears from people who I loved and respected. I praise God through my tears...judge me not, please brothers and sisters. He is making me who He wants me to be, it is a painful, but beautiful process. One for which I am thankful.

So, I will be home in seven weeks...in honor of that, I am going to create a list of 7 things I am looking forward to when I get back. And I'm sure when I get back, I will do a list of 7 or more things that I could do without in America. :) Here goes, in no particular order:

1) A warm shower ANY time of day, not only between the hours of 1am and 6am.
2) Pizza with real cheese, not this funky stuff they put on it here.
3) The smell of clean clothes...and the softness!
4) ROADTRIPS!!!!!! (just let me know if you are up for these with me!)
5) English...on signs, on clothes, on people.
6) Carpet.
7) Green...and the 4 seasons. Oh how I miss thee fall and winter!

This world is SOO full of possibilities! The quote from a few days ago, "I dwell in possibility" seems to be the place I am living lately. If you know me at all, you know that teaching is not my passion, never has been. And lately, it has been impressed on my heart that I don't have to be stuck in this..that its not fair for the kids in my classroom and its not fair for me. This week's memory verse for the kids comes from Ephesians 2:8-10...the last part of the verse goes:

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good work, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

God already has something for us to do that He has prepared in advance. I don't know what that thing is for my life, and that fact is that its probably more than just one thing. :) But I know that He has it planned out and I know that getting excited about a new possibility could be the new hope that God is offering after the death of the last dream. I'm looking into an option right now that has me fired up, terrified...but its the kind of terrified that comes when you are on the rollercoaster being pulled up that first hill and anticipating the wild ride ahead, knowing it will be scary and really fun at the same time. :)

The death of one dream is not the death of everything. Its just one thing that we move on from and look to Jesus' face and He will show us something new and more exciting and wonderful than that thing could have ever been. I have no doubt about that...even though I know the road there may be tough and full of bumps, I know He's good and He's leading. I love that!

I ran across an old friend who has undergone some heartwrenching things lately. She was always a beautiful person, full of life and passion that made her smile at everything. But as I talked to her, I found that her smile had fallen and because of the heartache she has endured, she has taken her heart and refused to share it with anyone. Her conversation these days is shallow and lacking in the passion that it used to be full of. Her eyes that used to shine now are dull with pain and fear. She won't share what she has experienced, she says because she just doesn't want to. But I can't help wonder if its that she learned the lesson that making yourself vulnerable to people makes you more apt to being wounded very deeply. I wonder if she thinks that if she shares what she is truly feeling the tears will never stop. I wonder why, in the Body of Christ that surrounds her, she feels the need to bottle everything up and close her heart off to everyone that is close to her. Who did this to her? Why has she chosen to believe these lies that she can do it on her own? As I talked to her, I could hear the pain in her words as she tried to pretend that everything was ok. I could that tears were just underneath the surface and that her heart was aching with a pain that she felt she could no longer share. Maybe she is tired of sharing. Maybe sharing brings with it a fear of the pain she has endured. Maybe she was so hurt by the body of Christ that she no longer wants to put herself out there to be judged.

We need to love carefully. We need to see beyond what people say and not judge them for how they act, but instead see where it is coming from and address that issue with compassion. We need to help fearful people trust again and love again. We need to help them know that it is ok to hurt and to share those hurts. We need to cry with them and hold them close. There are many wounded people walking around. Many who have been so hurt that they have closed their hearts off to any vulnerability. That is not the way to life abundant. And some of us know this, but hurt too much to live it anymore.

Once upon a time, there were two little birds. They had just recently broken through their shell into the world of the living. They joyfully looked forward to their feeding times when their mother would bring them their lunch and dinner. They loved to watch the clouds in the sky as they shifted and dream of someday flying. Finally, the day came…the day their dreams would come true. Today was the day that they were promised they would learn to fly. They were full of hopes and dreams of soaring in the sky freely and happily singing along as they viewed the world from a whole different perspective than the single view they had from their nest, which they were getting restless in.

They were so focused on learning to fly, that they never considered the possibility that they may not succeed…that the dream wouldn’t come true. So they bravely and excitedly hopped out of their nest and listened to a few last instructions, took a breath, and they jumped and spread their wings.

Instead of soaring above the treetops, they gave into the pull of gravity and landed with a light thump on the ground far below. Their dream shattering around them as they looked up and realized they had no idea what to do now.

One bird surveyed the situation and said to the other, “I will never be able to fly. This is a hopeless dream. You saw what happened when I tried. I will remain here and live my days walking on this ground. I will not try to fly again.” He then proceeded to walk off and search for his lunch. His life was very short and miserable as he was eaten by a cat that happened to be slinking by one afternoon. He would, day after day before his death, watch the other birds in the sky and simply sit and mourn the death of his dream and wish that he could fly.

However, the other bird surveyed the situation and said to himself, “Surely this is not a hopeless dream. Do not dreams come at a price sometimes? I must keep trying…I must keep fighting to learn to fly. Think of the joy of flying above the treetops. God made me to fly, I will fly.” And day after day he worked on strengthening his too weak wings by practicing over and over. And everyday he fell to the ground where discouragement and lies surrounded him, but he simply looked up and his dream was renewed…he would not give up…he would fly. Then one day it happened…he jumped off the small stump and he didn’t hit the ground…but rather, he remained in the air. As he soared above the treetops, it was more than he ever thought to imagine, it was incredible! And he was thankful that he hadn’t given up, this dream was well worth the pain of hitting the ground and continuing through discouragement.

I was just listening to this song by Caedmon's Call called "Forget What You Know" and it seemed really fitting of my life right now and I wanted to share it. Sometimes we just have to let go of past mistakes and realize that God's power is big enough to face them. We can't just sit here in our mess and kick ourselves...we have to instead reach out to the grace offered us and live in that rather than the sadness or bitterness that threatens at the doors of our hearts. There is still hope in the future. Hope of life abundant, hope of love, hope of those dreams coming true...hope of "happily everafter" happening...someday.

My friend why do you whip yourself
With the leather of your life
Why do your memories build like
Poison in your mind

You're re-running the mistakes (of your mind)
In the theater of your mind
Hoping that there'll be
A happily ever after this time

Let go
Let go
Let go
And forget what you know

You fear you've walked too far
In the hemlock forest and you are lost
But what error could you invent
With more power than the cross

Let go
Your sin is not an axe
Let go
That can fell the sacred tree
Let go
Your regret is not a net
Let go

That can dredge the forgetting sea
A wise man once told me
When I was dying just the same
The past can be like sidewalk chalk
If you will dance and pray for rain

So today I have been looking online for a place to live in Iowa, a job, and a vehicle for June when I get back. Since this is not what I had planned at all, its a bit of a challenge...but as always, I do love a challenge. I have the perfect setting pictured in my mind...the place to live, the job, and the vehicle...but as I search, I'm realizing more and more that that is most likely just not going to happen! Oh well.

I've never lived completely by myself, so this will be a new situation...and I think I want to get an SUV...something sturdy and that says "I'm a single, independent girl who can take care of herself!"...and have a job that I enjoy waking up to. I know, I'm a dreamer...but you never know, it could happen! :) Something will fall into place, I'm sure...God sure does have a sense of humor about things. I just need to remember to keep mine.

"But I still dream of tomorrow
Where the past will not be in my way
And passion lives another day"

--"Perhaps She'll Wait" by Bebo Norman

There are so many memories here. Many of which are sweet. But many of which I wish I could erase from my mind with the pain that they bring. But I will dream of tomorrow...where I will be in a new chapter of life and the past will not be in my way with each place I look. I know that we cannot escape our past...we cannot run from it...it is part of who we are and God makes beautiful scars from it. But I long to be in a place where it does not stare me in the face and I can heal and again live passionately as I love to do. However, at the same time, I long to fully enjoy my time left here. Eight more weeks. That's it. Thank God for His strength and love that overwhelms in the places that hurt the most. He is beautiful and makes us beautiful.

Today when I came into the office to catch up on work I haven't done yet for this week I sat down and sighed and said to my friend, "I am so ready to go home." He looked at me and said, "But doesn't all the unknowns worry you?" as he has heard me tell everyone who has asked that I have no idea what I am doing in June and won't know until June. I replied, "No, not really. I know God is not just going to leave me hanging when I get there." And he said, "Ah, so you are just really ready for a change?" I laughed and agreed, "Yeah, I suppose I am. I long to be in a place where I can go on a walk by myself and be safe and NOT get hit on!!"

He asked me what I wanted to do when I get home...I told him that I wanted to do many a things.

I want to be a jounalist. I want to be a photographer. I want to be a video person. I want to be a student. I want to be a nurse. I want to be a rock climber. I want to be a traveler. I want to be a missionary. I want to be a wife and mom.

He was encouraging me to just step out there and try something. And I found myself retreating in fear...and I was appalled. If anything, this year has taught me I do not have to live in fear. I look at my friend as a fellow dreamer...where we can do anything if we really want to. And I was encouraged to try again to follow a dream...my problem lies in which one to follow. :) The things I want most in this world are not in my hands. I can honestly do nothing about them...to be a wife and mom. But there are other things that I can do something about...and those are the things that I need to focus my energy on as God leads me.

I guess it scares me a little to allow myself to dream after what has happened this year...but this is who God has made me to be. He has just taught me to hold loosely to those dreams so that if they are ripped from my hands, my foundation is not shaken. He promises to always be with us. So why live fearfully of doing something new? Why not just take that step of faith and try it? If this really is the way God "fearfully and wonderfully" made me, then why not just jump and trust Him to catch me? And maybe someday, those dreams that I have no control over, He will make even those come true. Or at least I can dream (and pray!) that He will. :)

Here is a quote from a favorite website of mine; boundless.org:

"I dwell in possibility." --Emily Dickinson

The flood. No, this floor is not this clean...that is a reflection on the inch of water that we woke up to covering our kitchen and hallway!! Bob is odd...he LOVED the water! :)

I once was told that I had an "old soul" by a dear friend of mine. Last night as we sat in the office and watched both Bourne Identity and Bourne Supremacy, I learned how to knit. I knitted for 3 hours with the help of Phil and Tammy as they kept my yarn from knotting and Barb as she taught me how to knit.

I know, most of you would think this is a looser-ish thing to do...but I don't really care. :) I've wanted to learn it for a long time! Call me old. Call me whatever you may...knitting is cool.

Oh, and yes, the pic above...this is what Cori and I woke up to. An inch of water covering our kitchen and hallway...we don't often have water and sometimes turn the faucet on in hopes of the water coming on when we are in the kitchen. Well, apparently last night, we forgot to turn it back off...and well, the water came on after we went to bed!! But of course was off again before we woke up. You gotta love it!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SABRINA LYNN OWEN!!! Sabrina (on the left) is now joining the ranks of her fellow 27 year-old friends. She is wonderful...I wish you could all know her! See you soon Brina. :) Love you and have a fun day!!!

Jif Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter from the States. Does life get much better than this!? Oh yeah, and this is the "I feel gross because we had no electricity last night or this morning and therefore I also didn't get a shower" look. :) Gotta love it! :) But Jif makes it all better!!

This morning in devotions we prayed for a woman in my mission who was having heart problems. She had what they thought was a heart attack, but they weren't certain. She couldn't get the care she needed here in Dakar so they evacuated her to Paris. We were praying for her safety and for the doctors to have wisdom. In the middle of reading today, I found out that she died on the way to Paris. One of my kids is in our mission as well...its really sobering to get such news. She was young, she has a husband and two little boys under the age of 6 (I think) who have been left behind.

This week I also found out that a young couple at my church at home had a stillborn baby. They are a wonderful couple full of faith and love for everyone. It was their first child.

I look at things that have happened just to those I know and love this year and wonder what God is doing. We find in His Word that He is good and all-knowing and loves us as His own children. Yet painful things still happen. It's hard sometimes to reconcile those things with who He is...however, He is Lord and does know what He is doing. When we don't understand, it seems He asks us to just trust His heart. I am thankful for the Body of Christ. We are able to comfort one another, encourage one another, and pray for one another. I have seen the power of this in my own life this year as the true Body has done those things for me as God undid me.

My heart is heavy for these two families. I ache for them. But I know that God is with them, bringing them comfort and peace and His strength...and praying that as they walk through the hard days ahead, He will be the One they look to. That they can still trust Him even now. He is always good. And that is not said lightly, but from the heart of someone who also gone through much this year and is thankful for my Jesus who loves us furiously and recklessly.

Please pray for these families.

Concerning Band-Aids:

Is it better to 1) rip the Band-Aid off quickly so that you have the pain intense but short lived or 2) peel it off slowly so the pain is generally just spread out over a longer period of time?

Not to detract at all from Cori's homecoming...but isn't this lovely? This is home!! Right outside my bedroom window, this is my view of the pond. And I get to sleep to the peace and quiet...the sounds of frogs and crickets (Ok, so I know that's not everyone's favorite thing!)...home sweet home. :) Nine more weeks...not that I'm counting at all!!

This morning at 5:45am, just as my alarm was going off so I could go get Cori and Vaughn, the phone rang. As I stumbled down the long hallway to get to it and say hello I heard "Sara? Their plane got in an hour early...they are at the airport right now waiting." Thinking it was a bad dream of some sort I said "Um, ok...I'm on my way..." Then when I hung up the phone, I realized that this was real. I really was awake standing in my living room and that phone call had just happened. So I brushed my teeth (I hate dirty teeth!), found my glasses and sweatshirt (it's a wee bit chilly in the mornings before the sun comes up...probably 70F), and headed out the door. There was little traffic, which I was thankful for. :) I got there and there they were, on the curb waiting for me. :)

So Cori is now home and I couldn't be more excited!! She brought me lots of stuff which is just an extra bonus. She laughed at my sweatpants because the bottoms are covered with dirt because of the dirty floors because of the sand/dirt that blows in...and said, "Everything in America is so clean..." :) So I guess that is something to get prepared for in going home in 2 months from tomorrow! Cleanliness!!

I also realized yesterday that everytime I walk into a room or especially a bathroom, I look around on the floor to see if there are cockroaches...two years in Africa and I'm still horrified by these horrible creatures. It will be nice when I get home to not have to scan the floor before walking into a room. :)

CORI'S HOME!!! :)

I know this is a bit long...but I really thought it was interesting...and very true...so I wanted to share it. It comes from a book I just read calling Living Fearlessly by Sheila Walsh.

Wrestling with God

Your chapter begins to reveal an un-talked about side of God’s mysterious and dark character (dark to me, dark to us): the part of him we cannot grasp and yet at the same time the part of him we are not summoned to approach with passive acceptance, passionateless peace, superficial professions of joy and assurance. No, we are summoned to personal battle. This battle, this fight, isn’t with the world, the flesh, or the devil, but is instead a messy, sweaty, bloody, painful, no-holds-barred wrestling match with God himself.

This is the part of our relationship with God that we never sing about and almost never talk about--at least not in public, not from the pulpit. And yet these times of intense lament, even slugging it out with God, are encounters to which he himself summons me: messy, grunting, often loud wrestling matches to which he himself invites me to battle with nothing less than unfettered honesty, replete with malodorous sweat and bloody woundedness. Wrestling with all my feeble might—like Jacob, like Job, like Jesus.

Problem is, this divine summons, this gut-wrenching reality, makes most Christians (at least in the West) so intensely uncomfortable they either deny the summons, or when they see it in others judge it as heresy. Just think what would happen in most churches today if a person made it to the mike and said, “God has called me to do something I desperately don’t want to do. In fact, the prospect of this mission evokes such anxiety I am often doubled over in physical pain. Sometimes capillaries even burst so that I sweat blood. I beg and beg and beg and beg for release. I’ll do it if he insists, if he really wants me to do it. But, O God, please, please, please, let there be another way.”

Such a person would be regarded, I think, as deeply flawed in his or her faith—a faith deemed insufficient at best, as clearly demonstrated by a sinful unwillingness, an unacceptance of God’s perfect will, which in the end, after all, always works out for the good…right?

And if such a person in the very middle of fulfilling God’s dreaded call cried out, “My God, my God, Why??? Why have you abandoned me?” Western evangelicalism would, with a patina of charity, nonetheless in the end and in essence condemn him of heresy. Christ just wouldn’t cut it with most Christians today.

Sheila, I write with the disturbing passion of a sweaty, smelly, angry, and very imperfect wrestler with God. You might think I am a man who has fallen away on account of Christ. But with the Spirit as my witness, I am not. I am, rather, a man who has fallen in with Christ, fallen into an intense, passionate struggle. A struggle to which Christ himself has summoned me. And a struggle, even while it continues, and in all my fallenness, in which he constantly assures me…he is pleased.

Amazing.
God bless you. Much love to a fellow pilgrim who is no stranger to the dank, dark dungeon of the Giant—Despair.

Brian

I am humbled and proud to call such a wrestler my friend and brother. Brian has been told by some that his heartfelt cries to God are blasphemous; they will make God turn away rather than lean in. But how will we ever break through the fear that consumes us if we cannot pour it out in its rawest form at the throne of grace? Where else will we go if we can’t knock, knock, knock on heaven’s door?


To wrestle with God does not mean that we have lost faith, but that we are fighting for it. Perhaps we have lost faith in our old familiar ways, familiar prayers, familiar assumptions about how life is supposed to work—but we have not lost faith in God.

I will follow You wounded.
I will follow You when those I love unfairly judge me
I will follow You when people make promises they do not keep
I will follow You when I see my dreams shattered before me
I will follow You when the pain envelopes me
I will follow You when I know You could have stopped it, but didn’t
I will follow You when my future is uncertain
I will follow You when goodbyes are looming
I will follow You when You strip me to nothing
I will follow You when I am alone
I will follow You when it seems hope has disappeared
I will follow You because You are good.

I will follow You in the joyful times that seem so rare
I will follow You when I am laughing and smiling
I will follow You when I am surrounded by people I love
I will follow You when beauty surrounds me
I will follow You when people keep the promises they have made
I will follow You when I see dreams materialized before my eyes
I will follow You when people stand by my side through hard times
I will follow You because You are worthy of my all

You are my Defender
You are my Hope
You are my Healer
You are my Guide
You are my Comforter
You are my Friend
You are my Hope
You are my Joy
You are my Provider
You are my Rock
You are my Love
You are all that matters in this life.

When I was in elementary school, we learned a song that went like this:

I am slowly going crazy. 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch.
Slowly going crazy am I. 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch.

That's how I am feeling today. I came in to work at 10am, but have gotten virtually nothing done. Played with baby Josiah (the cutest baby I have ever come across!), tore down one bulletin board, crossed another month of my calendar (only 2 left!!!), and have downloaded some new music and chatted.

A dear friend of mine sent me a book and some music today...well, I got it today...but in it he included a picture of Iowa. I showed it to my friends downstairs and they just sort of looked at it and said "Wow, its flat." and "Is that corn?" And I, bursting with joy over the picture, replied with a vibrant "YES! That's home!!!" I'm excited...not too much longer left.

I'm also anxiously awaiting the return of Cori, Phil, and Barb from their vacations. It's pretty quiet around here without my sources of entertainment!! :) I don't like it when people go away.

Anyhow...guess I'll get on about my aimless day. :)