Hat, tie, and shades day. I don't own a pair of shades...hm. So I guess its hat and tie day. Two days left of Spirit Week!!

"...how often love is snuffed out by control when we choose fear instead of faith."
-The Heartache No One Sees, by Sheila Walsh

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
-I Corinthians 13:4-8a

I have fallen so short.

Here are some things I am looking forward to when I come home...in no particular order:

1) Waking up on Saturday to the smell of Dad making breakfast upstairs.
2) Mom's pot roast with potatoes and carrots.
3) Being able to just go drive around when I have nothing else to do.
4) Ability to understand the conversations going on around me.
5) Panera.
6) Hugging my niece, mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law, and nephews.
7) Seeing Joel.
8) Sleeping to the sound of frogs in the pond and crickets outside my window.
9) Seeing old friends.
10) Seeking a place of solace where no one but God knows where I am.

Cori and I needed a new pose...It looks like it was windy and that it took both of us to hold my hat on...but really, the brim of the hat was just falling...ah, I love sweet moments of randomness. :)

I was planning a trip for spring break to go to Abidjan to see Joel. My mission told me that I was not allowed to go for security reasons. I can respect that, but it doesn't detract from the sting of disappointment I feel. I have 2.5 weeks of time that I was going to go and meet his world and spend time with him. I know that God is probably working something out in His own way, but I can't help but feel that I have been knocked down yet again. This is a time when I have to rely on the head knowledge I have that God is good and that I am His daughter and pray that somehow it will take over the disappointment in my heart. I know it will eventually. It always does. I feel like I have experienced many disappointments in this year...but it has forced me to keep pushing and believing and looking for the good in life. I confess to many failures to do that. I'm not superwoman, I'm just a girl. But a girl with a great Father God who loves with a furious love. Yet the sting of disappointment doesn't just dissipate, it leaves me something else to surrender and to trust God with. I should be thankful, and in time I will be. The wound is still fresh...but as a friend of mine used to always say, "It's all good."

Beach day....me, Cori, and Phil decided to participate. :)

Cori and I had fun with PJ, too. Kasey, you should recognize the pants...and Missy, the squirrel. Everyone else, you probably remember Fleegle the frog. :) I wish everyday could be PJ day!!

They look all cute in their PJ's...but don't let them fool you. :) For those of you who don't know, meet my class. (Minus 2.)

This is spirit week here at DA. Today is PJ and stuffed animal day. I couldn't be more thankful. Cori and I still do not have power at our house...so we were trying to get dressed by candlelight. I couldn't bear the thought of a cold shower this morning because I was already very cold. I have not been able to iron any of my clothes and when Cori came in to wake me up she said "Wake up...you don't really have to get dressed!" I love PJ day. So I found some PJ's that I hadn't slept in thinking that the tops and bottoms matched...well, you know how getting dressed in the dark goes. I got to school and found out that indeed I don't really match. However, I was immediately comforted by some friends telling me "No one cares if they match when they are sleeping!" So today I am carrying around my stuffed frog, Fleegle, who has gone many places with me and wearing mismatching blue PJ's. :) I love PJ day...and I'm so thankful for it today of all days...now if we can just get our power turned back on!!

Mariste is our neighborhood. And yes, our electricity went out last night at 11pm and still was not on this morning. We think that they cut it off because we got our electric bill late and consequently didn't get it paid in time. So this morning I went to take a shower thinking it was going to be cold and trying to mentally prepare myself for the needles of ice that would come down from that shower head. But I was pleasantly surprised by a little miracle that God provided for me...the water was not only warm, but hot!! God is pretty cool. So this morning I read my devo's by candlelight. Its funny, when I was in Uganda, I loved having no electricity and not being able to look in a mirror. But here, I guess I'm just used to the electricity... :) Anyhow, its always an adventure. And some adventures are just starting...

I passed understanding a long, long time ago
And the simple home of systems and answers we all know
What I thought I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and somehow peaceful

I keep wanting you to be fair
But that’s not what you said
I want certain answers to these prayers
But that’s not what you said
-"What I Thought I Wanted" by Sara Groves

Nearly every morning, Cori and I walk out our front door at 7am or just before or after. For the past few months, it has been pitch black out at that time in the morning, so we fumble to lock the door and grope our way cautiously down the stairs into the cool morning air. As we are feeling our way down the stairs, I think in the back of our minds is the hope "Please don't let me fall...my lesson plans aren't ready for someone else to teach from!" When I came here in August, I knew exactly what I wanted and I knew exactly where my life was going. Of course, things never stay that way for long, and indeed they didn't. Now I am a little more than 3 months from going home and I have no idea what I want or what God wants. I have no idea what the next step is and I feel as if I have no leading anymore. I feel like I do every day when I walk down those steps in the dark...groping my way around in this darkness, trying to feel out the next step so as not to fall. I'm amazed at how things can happen that make everything so unclear from what one really thought God wanted. Have I lost heart? Maybe. Have I given up? Not this time. What will I do next? I have no idea. But I do know that I will live this day and make the best of the situation because that's all I can do. And in the days following I will do the same. What I thought I wanted...what I got instead...leaves me broken...and peaceful? I'm not sure I'm to that point yet...but I pray that soon I will be. I don't like groping in the dark. But I guess its part of trusting God for the next step. It feels ungraceful...yet its full of grace.

This is my niece, Brenna, and me before I left in 2003. I was just thinking about her today and how much I miss her. She is growing up so much. She'll be 8 when I get home. She was 6 in this picture. She is my sunshine. I can't wait to see her.

I have spent the last 2 days watching softball at a field that overlooks the ocean. Today I looked at the ocean and realized that 1.5 years later, it is still bizarre to me that I live this close to it! After 25 years of living about 13 hours+ from the nearest ocean area, it is strange when I realize that I am only about 13 minutes from it now. My face is a perfect blend of sunburn and windburn. We have 3 teams playing in this tournament called WAIST (West Africa Invitational Softball Tournament)...if 2 of our 3 teams make it to the final games, we don't have school tomorrow. Needless to say that there are a lot of people there cheering them on. Teachers and students alike! They brought in American candy and hotdogs for the occassion. I'm not usually completely nuts about American hotdogs to start with...but wow, they sure do taste good! And a good Butterfinger always makes the deal a little sweeter. :) It is fun times for all. Yesterday it was "cold" (probably in the 70's) and everyone was wrapped up in blankets. Today it was hot and everyone was keeping quite warm. I think next weekend we will go to the beach. I guess I need to make the most of that sort of opportunity while I can...don't want to go home in a few months as white as everyone else will be. :) I have to live up to the nickname that my friend Frosty has given me....Fakebake. Never so much as touched one of those things, but if he is going to call me that, I might as well look like it. :)

...80-something kids
...20 hours
...a bonfire with hot dogs and marshmellows
...40 -something kids all sleeping in one room
...being guardian of the door and "in charge" of the room all night
...trying to get 40-something 12 and under kids to go to sleep
...a concrete floor as my bed
...waking up 40-something kids and getting them packed up and to breakfast
...watching softball all day
...movie now with hot chocolate and friends
...this was my last 2 days. i'm tired. :) good night!

"By and large, our world has lost its sense of wonder. We have grown up. We no longer catch our breath at the sight of a rainbow or the scent of a rose, as we once did. We have grown bigger and everything else smaller, less impressive. We get blase and worldly wise and sophisticated. We no longer run our fingers through water, no longer shout at the starts or make faces at the moon. Water is H2O, the stars have been classified, and the moon is not made of green cheese...
Our world is saturated with grace, and the lurking presence of God is revealed not only in spirit but in matter--in a deer leaping across a meadow, in the flight of an eagle, in fire and water, in a rainbow after a summer storm, in a gentle doe streaking through a forest, in Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, in a child licking a chocolate ice cream cone, ina woman with windblown hair. God intended for us to discover His loving presence in the world around us...
So often we religious people walk amid the beauty and bounty of nature and we talk nonstop. We miss the panorama of color and sound and smell. We might as well have remained inside in our closed, articially lit living rooms. Nature's lessons are lost and the opportunity to be wrapped in silent wonder before the God of creation passes. We fail to be stretched by the magnificience of the world saturated wtih grace."
--Ragamuffin Gospel

"Trust defines the meaning of living by grace rather than works. Trust is like climbing a fifty-foot ladder, reaching the top, and hearing someone down below yell, "Jump!" The trusting disciple has this childlike confidence in a loving Father. Trust says, in effect, "Abba, just on the basis of what You have shown me in Your son, Jesus, I believe You love me. You have forgiven me. You will hold me and never let me go. Therefore, I trust You with my life."

"...Because we never lay hold of our nothingness before God, and consequently, we never enter into the deepest reality of our relationship with Him. But when we accept ownership of our powerlessness and helplessness, when we acknowledge that we are paupers at the door of God's mercy, then God can make something beautiful out of us."

--Ragamuffin Gospel

I was struck last night and this morning by these two paragraphs as well as a plethora of other ideas from Brennan Manning. I wish everyone could get this book and read this one chapter at the least. It paints a picture of who we are before Christ and if we can only accept that and live in the grace He offers, then we can truly be something beautiful. The last time I read this book the first paragraph stuck out to me and I asked myself the question, "If I never got another gift from God, would He be enough for me?" It's a sobering question. But the fact is that He should be enough for us. My kids called Him the "life giver". I think this means more than eternal life...I think this means life in the present...living life to the full in His grace and for His glory. Living in His joy that His name may be praised because of us. I think we all want to be something beautiful...but the only way to truly be so is to realize that without Christ, we are nothing...to realize we are "paupers at the door of God's mercy". Joy is such a gift. To live in it daily requires us to realize what God has given us in this life. Just my thought for the day. I hope that I can live up to it.

Ok, so I hit the wrong button. That pic is me, Barb, and Cori. These are my 2 best friends here at DA. They are the most wonderful people and I am blessed to have them. They have seen me through a lot in the last months since being here. I couldn't have asked for better friends. :)

Friends.

My class led chapel today for the elementary school. We have elementary camp this weekend. I have been running around like chicken with my head cut off for the last few days trying to remember all the details and talking to all the people that I need to talk to. Today for chapel my class's theme was God is Worthy of Our Praise. They did a great job. I was a little nervous about things, but I also had peace about it all, knowing that God would do what He wanted through those kids. The whole half hour was focusing on praising God and why He deserves our praise. Normally, I end a day pretty much exhausted from teaching...but today, taking that half an hour to just focus on God and praising Him, I walked out of that auditorium at 3pm with a bounce still in my step and a light heartedness that can only come from giving praise to our Maker. Like one of my kids said in his demonstration, we don't loose anything by giving God praise, but instead, we gain love and joy. God is good. All the time. And indeed, the best is yet to come...and no, we haven't seen ANYTHING yet!

We have been studying copyrights and poetry. Specifically, similes and metaphors. I assigned my kids to write a poem using either a rhyming pattern or similes/metaphors. One of my kids wrote one and wanted to copyright it. :) So cute? Yeah, I really loved his poem and wanted to share it with you...but I had to ask his permission before doing so. He agreed. This is copyrighted by Jonathan Hampton. :)

Satan and Fog

Satan is like fog
Blocking the sunlight
That is like God
Showing the way.

Beautiful Saviour, why do you allow such pain?
Do You not fear my heart it will stain?
Are You so certain of my threshold?
That under the pressure I will not fold?

Precious Lord, beyond this dark is there light?
Will You be my armor in this fight?
Will You be the strength I do not possess?
Your joy upon me, will you impress?

Abba Father, draw me close to You.
Be with me in all I do.
Focus my eyes upon You alone.
Let not my heart turn to stone.

Be the smile in my eyes and on my face.
Be the strength my heart will trace.
Be the joy in my soul that overflows.
Be the peace that covers me in its clothes.

Ok, this is as festive as I will get...Happy Valentine's Day all. :)

Maybe you can see it better in this one?? At least you can see Cori's! I should have takena pic of our hands...they are very orange. You would think we had been eating cheeto's all night. But alas, those do not exist here!

Henna. I don't know if you can see it so well...but Cori and I, as my dad said, got bored. We put some nice streaks of henna in our hair. Don't know if you can see it so well.

this was my yummy steak dinner for my birthday last week. :)

"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guarenteeing what is to come. Therefore, we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord."
2 Corinthians 5:1-8

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
John 14:1-4

My pastor once went through this verse in a sermon, the John 14 one. He said how heaven is a place where we are welcome, comfortable, and loved. I long for that. Particularly in times of discouragement. Discouragement seems to be the key word of this school year. Ever been stuck in the snow or sand and not been able to get out? Your wheels just spin. I feel like my wheels have been spinning since I got here in August. So do you stay in the car and keep trying or just get out and abandon the car? And when is it ok to get out and abandon the car? How do you know when that time comes? Our heavenly home will be so completely wonderful. I do long for it.

I am currently rereading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning...a book that I hold very dear to my heart. This man speaks my language. Here are a couple of thoughts from what I read this morning from the first chapter:

"Our eyes are not on God...We believe that we can pull ourselves up by our bootstraps--indeed, we can do it ourselves. Sooner or later we are confronted with the painful truth of our inadequacy and insuffiency. Our security is shattered and our bootstraps are cut. Once the fervor has passed, weakness and infidelity appear. We discover our inability to add even a single inch to our spiritual stature. There begins a long winter of discontent that eventually flowers into gloom, pesisimism, and a subtle despair: subtle because it goes unrecognized, unnoticed, and therefore unchallenged. It take the form of boredom, drudgery. We are overcome with the ordianariness of life, by daily duties done over and over again...Life takes on a joyless, empty quality. We resemble the leading character in Eugene O'Neill's play "The Great God Brown": "Why am I afraid to dance, I who love music and rhythm and grace and song and laughter? Why am I afraid to live, I who love life and the beauty of flesh and the living colors of the earth and sky and sea? Why am I afraid to love, I who love love?"

"When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.
"To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means. As Thomas Merton put it, "A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God.""

This morning when Cori and I finally got out our door to go "shopping" for some fabric for dresses for weddings that we both have coming up to go to, we looked around and up and it looked like it had and was going to rain! For those of you who don't know, this is dry season. But indeed, it had rained and it sprinkled off and on throughout the day. It was a nice change. I think they call it a "mango rain", though it seems rather early for that.

We went downtown and I bought a few things that I had been looking for and then Cori and I were looking for some "henna" (the dye that women from India use to dye their hands and feet). We had no idea how to say it in French or Wolof and then these two Senegalese guys came along and helped us out. They were brothers and took us to their sister's shop where we bought our henna and then of course since they did us a favor, we followed them to their shop. This was an adventure. I'm starting to learn to keep my orientation when we go down into winding markets. We went into their shop which was quite lovely and started bargaining for a table cloth that I wanted before I left and figured today was just as good a day as any. Long story short, if you ever are in need of a compliment, head to downtown Dakar and talk to the Senegalese guys. Elij-one of the guys told Cori to tell me that I was beautiful. And he proceeded to help us get a decent price from his brother! :) Nice guy, I wish him well.

So our trip was successful and we now have fabric to get some dresses made. I love Dakar adventures. When you step out your door in Dakar, you never know where the day will take you. :) I love adventure and surprise. This place is sometimes a good fit for me.

I read a couple of interesting articles on love and marriage this morning. I have a lot of friends getting married starting next month and going through June at least. Most of these weddings I will miss, which makes me sad, but I guess that's part of this gig. I guess I think about this topic a lot, Cori and I make a lot of jokes about it, we try to find the good things in it (i.e. I could never do THIS if I were married!), and we try to make the best of the situation and generally do a really good job of it. We try to enjoy life to the full and just love those around us. I guess this morning I am just a little down. Probably turning 27 yesterday, having a special day on the 13th coming up, and then Valentine's Day on Monday is doing it. I suppose that would be enough for just about anyone, except those who don't feel called to marriage and don't even like boys. I have seen a lot of friends get married over the last few years...some who I know should not have, some who I know it was perfect, and some I'm still waiting to see how things turn out. It's a huge decision to make. I was talking to my mentor girl, Ruth, the other day and she made mention of how would she know she could deal with living with this guy for the rest of her life...I just said "you have to marry your best friend." Interesting thought.

Anyhow, I want to leave you with this paragraph of what I read this morning about marriage and it not being too late if you are engaged to back out if you don't feel that is the one God has for you. It's good advice...you need to be sure...either way. It really is painful to break off an engagement...but far worse to marry the wrong person.

"As painful as breaking off an engagement will be, it’s not nearly as painful as being married to the wrong person. Following the Lord’s lead on this can free you up to find the person who is truly right for you. Marriage requires a good, God-given match. And it’s true what they say about finding Mr. or Mrs. Right, “When you know, you know.” And you'll know if you don't know, you know? So, don’t complicate it. If the shoe fits, wear it. If the ring doesn’t, give it back."
http://www.boundless.org/features/a0001012.html

The blog has a new look....its a new day...and its a new "year" for me as 27...but I don't really have a new look so much. Pretty much the same. Anyhow, this is me and Cori today. I've heard "Happy Birthday" way more times than any one person needs to hear it in one day! But its nice to feel loved. :)

Today is my 27th birthday. Weird? Yes...very. Had you asked me 10 years ago where I would be, this is most likely NOT where I would have said. Single, living in Africa, and teaching. But I am thankful. And God really does know the true desires of our heart...I don't think He made me for a typical 9-5 job sort of life in the states. Although, some days I think I would like it very much. :)

This morning I was reading in the grace Bible study I am doing about joy. Let me leave you with this thought....

"We believe the illusion that joy will come someday when conditions change. We go to school and think we'll be happy when we graduate and get married. We get married and decide we'll be happy when we have kids. We have kids and decide we'll be happy when they grow up and move out. When they do, we lament that we were happier when they were home. If you are going to know joy, it must be in this day.
Joy in this world is most always in spite of something. It is a "defiant nevertheless." It is a joy that hold tight to the belief that God has not yet written the last chapter-and that when he does, joy will reign unblemished and uninterrupted.
If you don't rejoice today, you will not rejoice at all. If you wait until conditions are perfect, you wait until you die. This is the day that the Lord has made."

These are the "ducktape flip-flops". If you look closely you may be able to see that both of them are being held together with a paperclip and lots of ducktape. They are wonderful flip flops...I wear them everyday. For $3, I think I may be able to replace them when I get home in June...if they make it that long!

I'm going to copy one of Joel's ideas from a few days ago...

Some things I love...

*Receiving a wedding invite from an old friend that I haven't talked to for a long time
*Sunshine days and cool breezes
*Living with Cori
*Time with friends
*Feeling loved
*Phone calls and emails from friends and family
*Joel

Some thing I don't like so much...

*Misbehaving kids
*Valentine's Day (though not bc of it being Single Awareness Day as well...but bc of the combined V-day/Birthday's throughout the years!)
*Being really tired
*Not taking advantage of opportunities
*When my shoes break and have to be held together by ducktape for 4 more months
*Poorly shot movies and bad acting
*When people don't return smiles or hugs

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again.
"Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Chorus:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

-Casting Crowns, "The Voice of Truth"

It so easy to listen to the voices in life that tell us we will never win or that we will never be able to push forward and get through the mud that is making it so difficult. But God's voice is always there saying "You can do this, I will give you strength!" It is a place of rest...I don't know about you, but I get weary in constantly doing battle...but when I listen to God's voice, He gives me His rest and peace in things. We get used to the other voices...they are familiar...but living in that life of defeat will kill your soul. In the armour of God passage I love the phrase, "and after you have done everything, to stand." Sometimes the battle is too much...and all we can do is stand, knowing that God is in control of it all and will be the strength in our legs that holds us up. We are His kids...He's for us...and what's even cooler is that He's in us and we are in His hands. Doesn't mean that it will turn out exactly how I want it to, but I know it will turn out the way God wants it to, which is ultimately better and more full of joy and life.

Last night at 10:45pm, a bunch of us headed over to the Marine House for a very late night (early morning) of the Super Bowl. It was great fun...but we nearly froze to death. Inside the Marine House there was no where to sit, only standing room...so Cori, Phil, and I sat outside and very nearly froze to death. Finally, at abouy 3am we headed home...with the heat on in the truck and debating if we were going to be able to make it to group devotions this morning at 7:20am. I was surprised to see everyone who was at the game at devo's this morning...and we were actually all the first to arrive.

I've been fighting sleep all day...finishing off a 1.5 liter bottle of coke...and even taking a sip of coffee that Phil and Cori made...I think I am just getting too old to pull these nearly all nighters. :) It was an interesting day to say the least. But looking back, I know I will not regret going, we had a great time and watched a good football game. Frozen or not...it was all worth it. These are the sweet times in life.

3 more reasons I love Senegal...

1) This afternoon I turned the water on to brush my teeth. I got them all brushed and turned the water back on to finish up and nothing came out. So I asked Cori to get me a glass of water that we have on hand so I could finish. She stood there laughing at me and said "It will come back on eventually." She was right...about 30 seconds later, it came back on!

2) I saw two boys riding a moped down the street today and one of them had a trombone case that he was carrying. It was very random...and I love random.

3) They love to recognize birthdays in church. This morning, I thought pastor had forgotten and had just breathed a sigh of relief when he all of the sudden said "And today before we go on, we want to recognize all those who have February birthdays!" I knew with Cori on one side and Phil on the other that I wasn't getting out of it. So I had to stand up. However, the singing time was great today...made me dread going back to church in the states where everyone stands still! Cori said long ago that she wants to be on the African side of heaven...I think I want to join her on that side if we are going to be singing and praising God!

Uganda....the most beautiful place on earth that I have ever been. The place where I have most clearly seen God in nature. The place where I found out just how amazing it is that God knows the names of all the stars. When I think of peaceful...this is the place that comes to mind.

I wanted to write something today. I had written a blog about Abidjan and how safe it really is not and the temptation to worry. I erased it. I had written a blog about some hard things in life. But I didn't want to get too personal. I erased it.

My mind is reeling with thoughts today. Some so full of hope. Some broken with dreams that I had when I came here. Some are joyful. Some make me want to cry. Today is a gorgeous day. I have spent the whole morning outside. First just having a quiet time. Then meeting with Ruthie, the girl I mentor. Then playing catch with the frisbee.

Today is gorgeous. The sun is shining. The breeze is blowing. The birds are singing. It is nearly perfect. I am listening to a sermon by Adrian Rogers called "When things don't make sense" and he is going through 5 things not to do when you are going through a time when things don't make sense. I wish I would have heard this sermon 6 months ago. Things may be very different now had that happened. Things in my life don't really make sense right now. They haven't for 6 months.

Here's what Adrian says about when things don't make sense:
1) Don't demand to understand
2) Don't fail to be faithful
3) Don't bow to bitterness
4) Don't be unwilling to wait
5) Don't let dreams disolve

"Don't doubt in the dark what God has showed you in the light."

Listen for yourself... http://resources.christianity.com/ministries/lwftv/main/talkInfo.jhtml?id=50024&JServSessionIdroot=r8hmy7yw72

"Some of you set sail in big ships;
you put to sea to do business in faraway ports.
Out at sea you saw God in action,
saw His breathtaking ways with the ocean;
With a word He called up the wind-
an ocean storm, towering waves!
You shot high in the sky, then the bottom dropped out;
your hearts were stuck in your throats.
You were spun like a top, you reeled like a drunk,
you didn't know which end was up."
Psalm 107:23-27 MSG

"Although I had never been in such rough water physically, I have been there emotionally. Many of you have too. The bottom drops out, your heart is stuck in your throat, and you are spinning and reeling. Someone said something that cut you to the very heart. You found out some information that knocked you onto the floor...The list of how it happens is long because our circumstances are so varied, but rough water is terrifying regardless of how we got there. Everything is upside down and you really don't know which end is up. Nothing is where it's supposed to be; nothing is where it was five minutes before."
--Irrepressible Hope, Women of Faith

How do you know when to quit fighting in such a situation for the one thing that you felt certain God called you to? Nothing is how it used to be, will it ever be again?

This morning meets me with 3 thoughts/happenings to share with you.

1) The powerful words from this hymn:

And though this world with devils filled,
Should not threaten to undo us,
We will not fear, for God hath willed
His truth to triumph through us.
The prince of darkness grim, we tremble not for him-
His rage we can endure,
For lo, his doom is sure:
One little word shall fell him.

2) A funny email from my mom telling me that she "would like to choke [me] for putting that picture on the web". Haha. :) Don't you just love never knowing what I'll do next, Mom? Well, I guess it keeps life intersting anyhow. :)

3) Yesterday was a pretty rotten day with the kids. They talked all day long and I pretty much resigned myself to letting them talk away any time to work or do fun activities. And they did. So this morning I got here, pepped for a new day (and a half day at that because we have Olympics today and tomorrow) and I had a note waiting for me in the clip outside of my door. It was a big colorful picture that said "We are sorry Miss Page" and was signed by all my kids...and then in the corner said, "You are the best teacher we ever had." Well, that might be going over the top, but it really touched me anyway. These kids really are pretty wonderful...I feel blessed to be here. Even when its difficult. :)

Meet the monkey. Yes, you are correct, that is his mouth hanging off his face. This is the object of affection of our dear cat, Bob.

See, Bob really does stare lovingly at the monkey. It's disturbing. I think he talks to it, too.

Aw. He loves the monkey.

I'm a year and a half into my term and I'm homesick? What's the deal there? I don't know either. It's not the unbearable homesickness that I felt at the beginning of my term when I stepped off the plane into Senegal for the first time. This is my home now...and my family. But nobody can take the place of my family and my Iowa. I miss the hugs that my dad would squeeze my with so I could scarcely breathe. I miss just sitting with mom and talking about life. I miss turning my niece upsidedown and coloring with her and fishing with her and taking our walks and just talking about life. She's grown up so much in the year and half that I have been gone. I miss stopping by my brother and sis-in-law's house and seeing what chaos is up there. I miss driving around the backroads of Iowa county and getting somewhat lost and testing my navigating skills (of which most everyone will tell you I have none, no "built in" compass in this Iowa girl). I miss going down to the ped mall and seeing the vast array of people that walk around. I miss walking into church just wondering who I would see this Sunday. I miss walking around Lake MacBride and hiking around in the forests around there. I miss getting my friends together for BBQ's out at the Res. Well, memory lane is now done for today...it's good to miss things...then you realize how much they mean to you. :)

I miss these days...just hanging out with my family and doing random things. This is when I was home this summer and my cousin Jesse and his wife, Lisa, came to visit us. Did I mention how much I love my family?

Meet my family. I'm sure they all love this pic...but I do. It represents them well. :) Meet Aaron (my brother), Lara (my sis-in-law), Brenna (aka: Monster or Boo, my niece), Mom and Dad Page. See, there is a spot there for me...soon enough I'll be home to fill it again!

I know this is a bit out of season...but I have been sitting here thinking of home. Don't tell my mom, but Dad took this last year while driving home from work. It went clear across the sky. For you unbelievers, Iowa does have its beauty...I look forward to seeing it again in 4 months.

Cori and I finally met our goal. We ran a full mile without dying...and actually, I think we both feel pretty good...nowhere near dying. Anyhow, for those of you runners out there, this is no big deal...but those of you who know I only run after a frisbee know this is a big deal. One goal down...now if I could just take a victory over the bigger ones...but this is a good start. Shows what a bit of preseverence can do. :) Giddy up for one mile!!

I don't believe in coincidence...and I wish I did. This morning I woke up troubled by this word. If coincidence really exsisted, my life might be much easier...at least right now. But it doesn't...and because it doesn't, it has made my life sweet in the past. I don't know, am I off here? I guess I want to send this question out to the world...I see God as too personally involved with the things here and man as too sinful for coincidence to truly exist. I read about Ruth, my role model, this morning...and laughed when it said "As it turned out, she found herself working in a field belonging to Boaz..." and then in the next verse, "Just then Boaz arrived..." Is that coincidence? Not a chance, God was guiding her and him. He brought her to the exact town and field where He wanted her...and as you know, she and Boaz got married and she was in the lineage of Christ. But what about when things keep happening that are painful and people tell you "Its nothing..." but it seems like more than mere coincidence? I don't know...I guess I'm just struggling with that word this morning. God is too interested in all the details of our life to just "let things happen" that aren't in His plan...I'm just glad I'm not in control. I'm glad I only have to live for an audience of One and no matter how I mess up and misinterpret or miss out on His "coincidences" that He orchestrates., He loves me unconditionally and that is where I find rest. Always seems to go back to grace. I guess that's what it is all about.