Who'd have thought that two of the best evenings would include getting my fingers nearly bit off and freezing half to death. A couple of nights ago I went out with a buddy of mine and had the single most bestest burger I have had in a year. We then proceeded to get some ice cream and bread and walked down to the river to feed the ducks. However, visiting with the ducks were 3 white geese. We are convinced that one of them was blind...I put my hand out with the bread on it and he completely missed the bread and went for my fingers. So, feeling sorry for him (but not wanting to get chomped on again), I put the bread on the ground in front of him...however, being blind, the poor thing couldn't find it. Must be rough to be a blind goose.

Last night I went out with another buddy of mine and we ended up on the top of this hay field just looking at the stars. I haven't seen so many stars since the night the lights went out in Ngaparoo. I was freezing half to death, but it was just beautiful, so I didn't care (though this morning finds my coughing even worse!). It was a helpful reminder that God does have things under control...He is the one who put those stars in place and knows each of their names. I have also found a renewed fondness for lightning bugs. I didn't realize how much I missed them until we were driving along and they lit up the corn fields surrounding us.

I read this this morning in a Boundless.org article, its from CS Lewis in "A Grief Observed":
"When I lay these questions before God I get no answer, but a rather special sort of 'no answer,' he wrote. "It is not a locked door, but a gaze, certainly not uncompassionate, not in refusal, but waving the question, saying, 'Peace child, you do not understand.'"

There is so much I don't understand...so many pieces I am trying to put together from this last year...but I fear that they will never come together and I will be left not knowing and wondering when it will happen again and afaid to put myself out there again. Still so numb...slightly wondering if I will ever feel again.