I looked in the mirror tonight and I found that I did not recognize the girl looking back at me. I mean, I have seen her everyday for the last 27 years, but suddenly, I feel I don't know who she is. Sometimes it's as if I can put these last 2 years in a box in my heart and never get it out again, but just leave it to collect dust...as if I am trying to be the person I was when I left...only more real...but its not possible to be the person I was when I left. I don't really even want to be that person anymore...I have learned too much to be her any longer...yet...numb. That's the only word for it. I don't recognize the girl looking back at me because I can't feel her experiences...now or in the past.

My friend Marcy put it this way in a recent post of hers...she has a way with words and her experience was on a different level than mine...but I can still relate so well:

"It's an odd feeling to walk around this place, work at my job, laugh with my friends...as if I am the same person.
As if nothing ever happened, my nightmare never took place.
I carry around with me this entire other life I have lived.
Experiences, people, a home, languages and a culture few will ever know.
I carry it around like a secret jewel in my pocket.

There is always more than what meets the eye."