I'm just going to put myself out there right now and be honest with you. If you are a person of faith, you can pray for me and ask God to help me. Forgiveness. I know I need to ask it of some people, but even more so, I need to be willing to offer it to people who have not asked for it and probably don't care if I give it or not. But I'm not there. I've been pondering this word, tossing it around in my mind hoping that it will somehow sink into my heart and just click in and I will be able to forgive and move on and not struggle with the bitterness, hurt, and anger I feel at heart-wrenching things that happened. I've been praying with the small prayers I have, asking God for the strength to do this very big thing (big for me, not for Him) and I look at it and just don't know how. How do you forgive a hurt so deep that you honestly don't know if you will ever heal? I guess forgiveness is the first step to healing. But it's such a big step. And it's something that I have to do, there is no option...its a choice I have to make and then stand by unwavering. So just incase I am not the only one struggling with forgiving someone(s) who wounded me so deeply, here are a few quotes that I have read recently that have made me think...unforgiveness is such a heavy burden to carry...but as for me, I know only God can get me up onto that step of forgiving those who wronged me...and He alone knows how to do it...because I cannot on my own...I just have to let go completely...but I just can't...it simply hurts too much still. I feel like such a hypocrite.

"I have discovered that forgiving can be a lot like packaging an octopus. Just about the time you think you have it all wrapped up, something else pops out!"

"I am no longer looking to the one who hurt me to make it up to me. I am not waiting for this person to change or apologize. I release them from having to make me OK. I make the decision to look to God to make things right in my life. The person who hurt me is no longer God in my life."

"Forgiveness is about looking the pain straight in the eye and saying, "God is bigger than this.""

"You will never have to forgive anyone more than Christ has forgiven you."