Have you ever driven home late at night when you were really tired and when you got to your destination, you didn't remember the drive at all? I did that a number of times when I moved about an hour away from home. I came home about 3 times every week for different activities at my church that I was still involved in from a distance. There were so many nights when I would stay after and visit with my friends and family and then have to drive home dead tired. I would show up on my doorstep one hour later and not have the slightest idea of how I got there other than the clue of keys in my hand. I just couldn't remember it. I always said that God sent my guardian angel to drive me home...and I don't doubt that was true.

Last night, a friend of mine asked me if I had noticed a change in him first semester from last year. I tried to recall the first semester back here and I honestly could not recall a thing as I was so absorbed in my own heartache and depression. As I sat last night just thinking about this place and how much it means to me in light of leaving in 13 days, I found that it was very sad that the entire first semester was wasted. But then I stopped and realized that God allowed it to happen...and just as He would drive me home those nights when I was too tired to drive, He carried me through first semester and brought me through the pain to this joy that I am experiencing now. Had I not gone through the heartache that I did first semester, I would not be who I am now and I would not have the fullness of joy that I have now.

I guess in going back to Iowa, there is going to be a period of grieving all that I'm leaving behind...and also all that was lost when I was here. I think many days are going to be spent by the lake in the forest where no one but God knows where I am just processing this year and all that happened. Not kicking myself for losing the one so close to my heart, not kicking myself for becoming so self-centered and falling into depression, not kicking myself for missing out on so many great times...but instead, just time to consider what God has done in my life through the circucmstances He has given me. And I look forward to being able to praise Him fully for even the difficulty...and for the wonderful times that my friends here have given to me. These people are precious to me. Life will never be the same again...and I think I'm thankful for that. :)