Today right after school two of the field leaders from NTM are going to come and debrief me. I know it will go fine and I'm not on trial or anything...but I always struggle with how much to tell people. I see my story as one that was intensely painful to walk through and I was completely walking around as a broken person for months on end...but I see it also as a total story of God's grace in my life. Without His love and strength, I would have gone home before Christmas and not returned, but He provided me with the strength I did not have and is upholding the promise He gave to build me up again so that I will be rebuilt and will again dance with the joyful. I know my first several weeks at home are going to be prime processing time and I look forward to it. But alas, I come back to the question of "how much do I tell them about what happened?" I guess it will go how it goes and I will say what I say...and everything will be just fine.

In talking to a friend over the weekend at the retreat who knows everyone involved, I found that he pointed out things to me that made me thankful that God does what He does even when we are stubborn. God really is good in all things...even when it appears that He is just being plain ol' mean, He's loving with reckless abandon. I love that...and in retrospect, I see it clearly...and am thankful that He takes certain things and gives others. Where one door shuts, another will open.