Today when I came into the office to catch up on work I haven't done yet for this week I sat down and sighed and said to my friend, "I am so ready to go home." He looked at me and said, "But doesn't all the unknowns worry you?" as he has heard me tell everyone who has asked that I have no idea what I am doing in June and won't know until June. I replied, "No, not really. I know God is not just going to leave me hanging when I get there." And he said, "Ah, so you are just really ready for a change?" I laughed and agreed, "Yeah, I suppose I am. I long to be in a place where I can go on a walk by myself and be safe and NOT get hit on!!"

He asked me what I wanted to do when I get home...I told him that I wanted to do many a things.

I want to be a jounalist. I want to be a photographer. I want to be a video person. I want to be a student. I want to be a nurse. I want to be a rock climber. I want to be a traveler. I want to be a missionary. I want to be a wife and mom.

He was encouraging me to just step out there and try something. And I found myself retreating in fear...and I was appalled. If anything, this year has taught me I do not have to live in fear. I look at my friend as a fellow dreamer...where we can do anything if we really want to. And I was encouraged to try again to follow a dream...my problem lies in which one to follow. :) The things I want most in this world are not in my hands. I can honestly do nothing about them...to be a wife and mom. But there are other things that I can do something about...and those are the things that I need to focus my energy on as God leads me.

I guess it scares me a little to allow myself to dream after what has happened this year...but this is who God has made me to be. He has just taught me to hold loosely to those dreams so that if they are ripped from my hands, my foundation is not shaken. He promises to always be with us. So why live fearfully of doing something new? Why not just take that step of faith and try it? If this really is the way God "fearfully and wonderfully" made me, then why not just jump and trust Him to catch me? And maybe someday, those dreams that I have no control over, He will make even those come true. Or at least I can dream (and pray!) that He will. :)

Here is a quote from a favorite website of mine; boundless.org:

"I dwell in possibility." --Emily Dickinson