This morning I read about when God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. God had made a promise to Abraham that Isaac would be the child of promise. Then God asked Abraham to take him up that mountain and offer him up as a burnt offering. Abraham immediately obeyed...but I wonder what went through his mind. My Bible says that God tested Abraham...to purify his faith probably. I am struggling like crazy with the sacrifice I have made. I am questioning whether or not its really what God wanted. I sit on the verge of tears all day and when I look at the hours in front of me, I don't know how I can make it through them. I wonder if Abraham struggled like this before he placed Isaac on the altar. I feel like God made a promise to me...I feel like He gave me a gift in my life...but some hard things came with that gift and rather than immediately giving those things up to God, I let them simmer in me. I ache with what I have done.

I knew this wouldn't be easy...but neither did I expect it to be this hard...I don't know if I can really do this or not. I don't know if I want to. And I don't know if God will provide the strength necessary because I do not know for sure that this is what He wanted exactly. I just feel confused and lonely right now.

My gift...I love you. With all my heart. I'm trying.